Sieges Weathered
by By Victoria
Summary: Being liaison is a difficult enough job. Between being nearly killed -accidental death by missing documentation-attending peace talks and reducing espionage by a certain assassin, there are stubborn souls to guide. And on top of it all new dangers will arise where she will be forced to confront old demons that may take all that she has and leave nothing left. I own nothing.
1. Chapter 1

"Well Liaison Yelena, we simply have to stop meeting like this." Maren said in deadpan. "Do Sitians have a thing against documentation or are you just absent-minded by virtue of being you?"

"The Sandseeds actually record everything in their heads. And you know just how I am about the good old times!" I smirked.

The Captain who had seized me for most of the morning shifted his feet nervously but saluted, "I am ready to take full responsibility for my actions."

Maren eyed him levelly, "Are you sure about that? Fortunately, you didn't kill the liaison, an act that could have easily triggered a war with Sitia. But you did capture and detain her without due process, which would make peace talks unnecessarily difficult right now. I hear General Rasmussen has always favored good Sitian relations. So he won't be happy. And to add insult to injury, I doubt Valek would be too happy about this fiasco either."

Upon hearing Valek's name, he blanched and the salute wavered, "I am sure."

After a few moments, during which I made every effort to stifle my smile, Maren said, "But…you were doing what you believed was right to keep Ixia secure. You took a chance and risked treason for your loyalty. That in it of itself should merit a good report."

The Captain was ready to keel over, "Tha…Thank you ma'am!"

* * *

"Welcome back to Ixia, Yelena." The Commander said, his amber eyes gazing at me intently. "The Brandy Meeting is scheduled two nights from now. In the meantime, the guest suite has been prepared for your stay. I trust you will find it to your liking."

I smiled, "I will. Thank you, sir."

"My Chief of Security is on a mission right now but I'm sure he will make every effort to return in time for delegations." He added before I could ask. A rare, knowing smile softened his features.

For the next hour, we sat in his office companionably making small talk.

* * *

I was accosted by Ari and Janco in the most affectionate of bear hugs when I met them. We laughed and excitedly divulged in the details of our recent lives. I hadn't seen any of them in over two seasons.

"Training field later?" Janco asked with a grin.

"I would, but I have other plans."

At that moment, Maren came up behind us. She threw an arm around me and we grinned. "She'll be going to the District Meet tomorrow. We've preparations to make."

Janco gaped comically, "Um, Yelena? I'd hate to break this to you…but you're not single."

Maren rolled her eyes, "People do go there to find _friends_ you know. Only you would reduce it to a complete scheme to hook up…or in your case, another excuse to get wasted."

Janco stuck his tongue out at her peevishly, "I don't tell you how to live your life!"

"You're hopeless."

I laughed as I explained, "We're all going to support Dilana."

Maren nodded, "It's about time she got back out there."

The District Meet was a means to facilitate intermarriage and communication between the different military districts since strict borders made it imaginably difficult to meet people outside one's jurisdiction. It was held once each season for an entire day at Castletown. But to keep operations productive otherwise, those who opted to stay behind at their jobs were given extra wages.

When people met potential mates and friends, they would stay in communication (as best as they could) and if they were fortunate enough, be given permission to visit. If a couple wished to marry, someone had to move and the greatest district need usually trumped. That meant if one General complained of a lack of seamstresses or decent cooks; and their citizen managed to pair up with someone who fit those job descriptions, the latter would be obligated to move. Personal preferences came second and were granted case by case only.

It was no surprise that people tended to pair up for practical reasons here. And why people from MD-1 can be rather unpopular.

The greatest exception to this rule was that of the Commander's persons. Few Generals would try to take his people away. If anyone met and married one of Castletown's, chances are they'll be the ones doing the moving.

When I was food taster, I was not allowed to go. It wouldn't have mattered anyway. I was not allowed to marry and few would have opted to be friends with a convicted murderer. This will be an interesting experience.

Janco crossed his arms and grumbled, "Fine. But you do owe me a match!"

Ari stepped forward, "And me too. You need to stay prepared."

Maren threw her hands up, "Well I might as well make it a party."

I laughed, "Agreed!"

* * *

While uniforms were still required during District Meets, it never stopped people from doing what they could to render themselves a bit more attractive or stylish. And from ribbons to jewelry to alternate fabrics, Dilana always knew how to improvise. We watched as she experimented with her hair and chose earrings that were sure to sparkle in the sunlight and to shine underneath the stars when she threw her head back to laugh.

"Remember Dilana," Maren was saying, "Go for the soldiers." She reclined on her side on the bed, her head propped up lazily with one hand.

"Soldiers?" She laughed. "We have plenty of those don't we?"

"Decent ones who won't harass the female recruits? Not particularly. These laws never mean anything unless we change the entire culture."

Dilana undid the braid in her soft, brown hair and said thoughtfully, "I don't know. Soldiers might be a bit too serious for me."

"Have you met Janco?"

She conceded in touché.

"Find a decent, trustworthy housekeeper." I suggested, "Maybe then I can finally convince Valek to get rid of Margg."

"Maybe I'll find a cook." She was looking at her mirror. I could still see the pain that lurked behind the twinkling, kind eyes. "Sammy is decent, but most of us are still losing weight after all! It'd be nice to get someone creative who could come up with a few new recipes once in a while."

Maren and I exchanged looks. I sunk a bit into my chair next to Dilana, remembering I was mostly responsible for taking away her happiness. But I shook my head internally and made myself smile.

Maren went to her side and placed both hands on her shoulders, "Well it won't matter who you end up with. All that matters is that they make you happy."

She took both our hands, "I have you two for friends. I'm already happy."

Without music, the District Meet was large, chattering mass clustered into different cliques and couples throughout the courtyard. The laughter, however, lightened the atmosphere and reduced the severity the Code of Behavior had a tendency to endorse. That coupled with the tables set up with food and drink. There were already several individuals drunk in corners and under tables. With reunions and new friendships being made it all made for a happy sight. I spied Maren talking to several friends she had made in MD-7 in a corner. My status as a magician made many wary of me. But there few who I was able to make small talk with – most came from the Southern Military Districts, where a move toward enhanced Sitian ties was desired.

Being in Sitia, however, had made me accustomed to music and dancing, with few breaks in between. I laughed as I sipped my wine. I really was turning into my friend Dax Greenblade.

"Yelena!" I turned to see a woman bounding up to me. Without a word, she hugged me.

I pulled away but grappled my mind for a name, "I'm sorry…you do look familiar but…"

"Oh, no worries!" She laughed, "You probably don't want to remember me anyways. It's Kanna. General Tesso's daughter! We met briefly back in MD-5, remember?"

Kanna…the one Reyad was so smitten with the night of the Fire Festival. She was the reason I was able to sneak away.

"…so glad they managed to clear up your name at last. I never believed it for one moment. I just knew there had to be a good reason."

Did it matter? It wasn't as if she would have ever been able to do anything for me.

I smiled politely and sipped my wine. "It's good to see you again."

Kanna sobered and took my hands, "I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It absolutely wasn't your fault."

"Thanks." I meant it. While many Ixians wouldn't dare challenge the Commander's judgment, there was still enough who didn't believe me. It felt good to be validated.

"You simply must visit some time. But of course you will. I mean look at you! You're liaison after all! And don't worry about daddy. He never liked Reyad or Brazell to begin with. If anything you'll have to be listening to him badmouth them all night long!"

"I will." I smiled.

She beamed and we continued to make companionable small talk. Even when I found no malicious intent behind the magnanimity in her soul, I still held back. Did I still have such bad trust issues? Was I justified in assuming she could have an ulterior motive? Or was it all more the fact that I couldn't help but connect her to Reyad and pain?

Several hours later, I found Maren propped against a column. "Did she find anyone?"

Maren snorted in amusement, "Several." Her gaze lingered as she looked to her left, "Looks like everyone's dying to come here. But I think that one's the keeper."

Several feet away, Dilana flirted with someone from MD-1.

"Captain Annie." Maren informed me, sipping her wine, "Rumor has it she's one of the few who regularly volunteers to keep the snow cats at bay…and to keep the criminals from running off when they're there. That among other things made her a special favorite of the general."

"Sounds like you approve."

She waved her hand dismissively, but the grin never faded, "She's only a captain."

I raised an eyebrow, "Ah yes, _Adviser_ Maren. You're quite right. Our Dilana surely deserves a major at the very least!"

Maren sighed dramatically, "I suppose I can make do. You just watch me get her all the way up to General."

"They're not married yet, you do realize that right?"

"You sure about that?"

I watched as Annie flipped her long black hair back and leaned closer to Dilana, who giggled and met her halfway. They really didn't waste time.

Dilana caught our eyes and said something to Annie. Then we saw them approach, hand in hand.

"Yelena, Maren, this is Annie." Dilana was giddy with happiness.

She waited for us to extend our hands and smiled broadly when we happily did. As it was the cooling season, most of us were bundled in our cloaks. But Annie was content in a thin linen shirt and skirt ensemble. Beneath the easy amicability I sensed a strong, unyielding resolute in her soul to protect those she loved. The image of the captain in her snow mask and fur-lined cloak against the harsh winter wind, covered against the elements save for her eyes; eyes that scanned the horizon for threat while her homeland crouched behind her came to mind. She clutched a spear, fully prepared to strike. And her charges stayed behind, content and grateful to feel safe and secure in their beds at night.

A whistle sounded, prompting complete and total silence. The District Meet was at its end.

* * *

Back in the guest suite, I prepared for bed but my glass bat glowed brightly with magic.

"There you are." Leif's face was in a perpetual frown, "I've been trying to get in contact with you all day!"

"I've been busy." It wasn't a total lie.

He eyed me skeptically but continued on with his news, "There's trouble. I've been on this case since last week and we need your help."

"What's going on?"

"Well, for some time there's been a string of kidnappings. Young girls, mostly. But then we started to do some investigating. And we found some… disturbing information."

He was stalling now.

"Get on with it."

He hesitated. Then made himself say, "Do you still remember our good friend Kangom?"

My heart wrenched with familiar pain. "Yes."

"Well those victims aren't all unrelated. Every single one of them had been kidnapped in childhood by him. But the strangest thing is…they return them."

"Return them?"

"Yes. They're kidnapped, held hostage somewhere for a few days, and they always give them back."

"Is there anything different about them?"

Another hesitation. "You could say that."

"Leif, stop stalling and tell me what's happening."

Unable to keep the horror off his face, he said, "They're… re-traumatized. We don't know what kind of torture they put them through but they come back as if they've…as if they've had to _live_ everything again."

I nearly dropped the bat. To re-live everything…all the abuse…all the torture…Reyad…I felt sick as beads of cold sweat began to form.

"Yelena?!" Leif looked at me in concern.

I willed myself to look back at him.

"And the latest victim…was May."

**A/N: The oddest thing. I found myself inspired to write fanfiction again. But it really was excruciatingly difficult to get back to stories I started when I was 16 (I blame my pre-feminist days)... I do want to finish Soul Study and A Pledge of Commitment someday though, however bad they are! xD In the meantime this is a story I started while procrastinating and going through a rough patch in my life. I've actually written quite a bit of it already. Hope you'll enjoy it!**

**And of course. Please review/favorite/all that nice stuff. 3**


	2. Chapter 2

My heart clenched. I thought of May and her messy ponytail and beaming face.

The children we were able to save had been in the early stages of the "experiments." They might have survived with their souls intact, but they had seen enough horrors and abuse for a lifetime as well.

And to relive it all…especially knowing what would happen…

Leif's concerned voice brought me back to the present.

"The Brandy Meeting is tomorrow night, and it could be imperative to Sitian-Ixian peacekeeping. If I leave now, I'll have to have a very good reason why and it could complicate things. And if what we're dealing with is something like Blood magic, we could use Valek on our side."

Leif was quiet for a moment as he considered what I said, "You think it could be Blood magic?" His voice was pained.

"I have a hunch. Whoever this is, they're not doing anything by random. They want something from these people."

Leif nodded. "So I can expect to see you soon then, little sister?"

"I'll leave during the day. We'll meet at my college."

* * *

The next day passed slowly with my growing anxiety. After some unsuccessful attempts to read my history assignments and prepare for a quiz from Bain, I began to pace.

I stepped out onto the balcony and leaned out over the banister. My hands gripped the rail. It was this castle. It was Ixia. I had come so far but even with my friends and new position, I would never feel free here.

I continued pacing. But what I really wanted to do was climb a tree. I chuckled: I really was turning into my mother.

Moon Man's voice popped into my mind and I remembered his admonishments about wasting energy fretting. With a groan, I plopped down onto the couch. He was more annoying than ever in death.

I wished Valek would return so that I could talk to him and make contingency plans. Where was that infuriating man? I turned at every small sound, always expecting that cocky rat to try and sneak into my guest suite. My eyes wandered to the open bedroom door and in spite of myself, smirked, already imagining what we'd be doing once we were reacquainted. With all the stress from preparing for the Brandy Meeting compounded on this, I could really use a distraction.

With a sigh, I finally gave up waiting for him in the afternoon and sought out Janco, Ari, and Maren at the training field to tell them about the situation. Ari and Janco were all but running to pack their bags. Laughing, I stopped them so we could finish our conversation in the quiet of the storeroom.

Maren waved her hands, "Wait, wait, wait! So if they can steal their souls with their, whatever, "not magic," why bother kidnapping them? Why not just pop the soul out and run?"

Janco sighed dramatically and face palmed, "Because there's always this ritual thingy they need to do to get the power. Otherwise, the soul goes to the sky or wanders aimlessly until our oh-so-lovely Soulfinder Yelena can guide them there. You need to keep up with the program, girl!"

Maren snorted in annoyance and crossed her arms, "If I'm going to help, then I'd better know what's going on. Otherwise I'm walking."

Always getting directly to the point, Ari promoted, "What do you need?"

I smiled at his loyalty. Even if this was not an Ixian problem, my Northern friends never hesitated to offer their assistance. "With Valek's immunity to magic, we should be fine. Besides, how will we get all three of you out of Ixia? I'm pretty sure the Commander would already be annoyed at me for taking his chief of security away. But to leave the Castle completely unmanaged? …Unless there's a third-in-command protege these days that I'm not aware of?"

Janco crossed his arms and raised a slender eyebrow pointedly. "Oh no. You're not even going to think about trying to pull _that_ again. But if that's what you're really worried about, I'm sure Valek can find someone. Either that or he'll just dress a few people up to pose as us.

Ari nodded in agreement, "The Commander's busy. And there's rarely anything amiss with everything as efficient as it always is. I doubt he'd even notice if we're gone for months at a time."

"Months might be pushing it." I said flatly. I really didn't want to get them in trouble.

Janco smirked, "You better get used to the idea of us coming, whether you like it or not. Evil things always happen when you leave us behind or in the dark, remember?"

I grumbled. After the events surrounding the Fire Warper and especially after all the consequences of my bad decisions, they were never going to let me live any of it down.

"Okay, okay I promise not to go anywhere without any of you."

* * *

I looked out of place as the only member of the congregation without a uniform. This was my first meeting and my heart was already pounding from anxiety.

A familiar face caught my eye. She walked over to me and perched on the table before me. I was happy that Dilana was able to spend more time getting to know her new friend.

"Still here?" I asked the Captain.

"Mmhmm." Annie nodded, folding her arms, "The snow cat problem is really getting out of hand. It makes sense to bring someone along from the front lines to help the case. We can't just keep feeding them, no matter what they say. People are already going hungry from the effort."

"Do you have any better suggestions?" I asked.

Her brown eyes narrowed as she considered me. Did she think I was mocking her? When she did speak, her voice was filled with steely resolve. "Feeding them will never solve anything. It's just a bandage on an infected, seeping wound. Food won't make them leave us alone. It only encourages them to make dens closer to us and breed like rabbits. We need to find a way to kill them."

I gasped. Only the Commander has ever been known to do that. I voiced the fact aloud.

"Yes but he was alone. We have teams and those teams have soldiers every bit as dedicated to defending their homes and loved ones. Well the voluntary ones anyways. The criminals have little choice but we could most certainly use them for live bait."

Her calculating ruthlessness that she didn't bother to hide unsettled me. But on the other hand, her entire mind was geared towards the welfare of her people. Did good intentions and ends always justify the means?

"The snow cats aren't normal game. They aren't fish you can bait with petty prey."

"I know they're not." Her voice was impatient. "But we want permission to do our own research and find a weakness that we can use. Don't misconstrue me, liaison. I'm not looking to exterminate an entire species. I want to teach those creatures to fear us, to know that we're not there to give or be food for them. If we can do that, then our problems would be minimal."

Annie made me think about the Stormdancers and how easily they could help with the snow storms in the North. Then their problems would _really_ be minimal.

At that moment, Valek entered in his dress uniform. The peevish look over having to wear it was still there and I couldn't help but smile. Our eyes met and his face lit with delight and anticipation. At the same time, there was a tension in his muscles that always indicated trouble.

The Commander pounded his gavel. The Brandy Meeting had begun.

The brandy was passed around generously, even to me. But the last thing I needed was to be drunk tonight. Yet I could still remember how delicious they all were and refraining from tasting anything proved difficult. If I drank from one glass, I'd have to taste them all or it'd be considered an insult to the General. And out of the corner of my eye I could see Valek watching my abstinence and stifling a laugh. He better make it up to me tonight.

General Kitivian had the floor. He stood to talk about the snow cat problem, prompting the old groans from the other Generals.

It wasn't working. In spite of his prepared points with the pointed inputs of his Captain, no one wanted to hear about the same malady meeting after meeting. And their newest proposition was being met with derision and endless criticism. Annie watched me intently and I realized she wanted me to advocate for them.

"If I may, Commander," I willed myself to speak. When the Commander nodded, I continued, "The General raises a good point. As someone has told me, feeding the snow cats is 'putting a bandage over an infected, seeping wound.' It doesn't solve anything and the lives of your people are still in danger."

"Your point is well noted, Liaison Yelena." The Commander said, "However, there is no known, _reliable_ way to kill a snow cat. How would you account for all the lives that will be lost if I order such an expedition?"

I counted my points with my fingers to emphasize my points. "One, they would be volunteers. Captain Annie has given the impression that she can organize a squadron who are willing to take this risk and to follow her lead with steadfast loyalty. Two, they would not be going in blind: To bring this to your attention at a time like this clearly indicates that they have thought about this for a long time. And third, we all have to admit that this is the only truly comprehensive solution. If you don't address this tonight, you will have to do so eventually. Lives will still be lost in the meantime."

The Commander nodded his approval. "You make a very good argument." He proceeded to rule in favor of the proposition.

General Chenzo of MD-2 stood in outrage and sputtered, "But sir! We don't know anything about these creatures! We can't just stop feeding them!"

"I'm not ordering anyone to stop feeding them. Nor am I ordering anyone to take part in this experiment. But I am giving my permission to volunteer. If you want your jurisdiction to not participate and to continue feeding them, I will still leave that up to your discretion."

Annie was smiling widely at me but I could have kicked myself. Snake spit, what have I done to myself? Now everyone will expect me to actually pay attention to everything else – including General Tesso's speech about corn!

The Generals of MD-2 and MD-3 barely contained their chagrin at the end of the meeting, especially with their inhibitions lowered from the alcohol. They muttered under their breaths and aggressively shoved papers into their briefcases.

But Kitivian was thrilled. He and his procession in tow made their way out of the war room. All save for one.

Annie had walked across the room to my side and tucked a piece of paper into my hand with urgency, "I'd give it to her myself but I wouldn't even have time in the morning to say goodbye. This is my full name, district number, and place of residence. I figured that if I wrote it down, Dilana might more likely remember to write me."

I tucked the paper safely within my pocket, "Don't worry. She'd never be able to forget someone like you. I know I certainly wouldn't."

Annie beamed. "You must promise to visit me in MD-1 someday. I know we're not exactly the best place for vacations but the General's house can be rather comfortable. We can have tea and hearty meals in the parlor."

"Anabella, come." Kitivian's insistent voice came from across the room.

An old ire filled her face as she growled, "Not this again. I've told you before, General, it's _Annie_. Or even Anne. Anything but that atrocious name."

"Annabella, you use the name 'Annabella' for any official documentation and the like, Annabella." The General sounded so petulant that I half expected him to stick his tongue out for added effect.

She gave me one last wave and stalked her way to his side, muttering, "…Because my father was a complete idiot..."

* * *

"Your first meeting and I already have complaints over potential foul play." The Commander said as Valek and I followed him to the suites. "Do you really get such a kick out of upsetting important people?"

"But you haven't ordered anyone to do anything. And I don't remember being banned from weighing in on difficult issues with good points."

The Commander assessed me with his sharp eyes. To this day, they still made me flinch. "It wasn't their idea and that's what annoys them the most. Playing favorites won't help you win any favors from the Northern generals. If you want to make any progress with Sitian negotiations, you'll have to stop sawing my war room in half when you're here. They're already questioning the legitimacy of your position."

"With all due respect, that would mean they're questioning _your_ judgment, sir." But his lecture stuck.

He gave me another one of his rare smiles. "Well Yelena, it seems that I should have been more insistent with my offer to make you my adviser."

My hand flew to my chest in mock horror, "But then I wouldn't be able to play favorites!"

The Commander laughed and opened his door. He turned to Valek and the smile faded. "I expect a full report by tomorrow." He was still annoyed with his tardiness.

"Yes, sir." Valek barely contained his amusement at our exchange.

With a nod, the Commander entered his suite and closed the door behind him.

* * *

Once the door closed behind us in Valek's suite, we turned to each other and simultaneously said, "What's wrong?"

Laughing, we tried again. "I'll go first!" We both offered without hesitation.

We grinned at each other and both shook our heads in amazement. In spite of our "soul mate status," old habits died hard. A few years ago, we would still be dodging, albeit playfully, the question and stalling. Then someone would seduce the other into bed and whatever communication problem we had would never be resolved, or worse, would have to be coerced out of the other. The worst part is that we'd have to fight eventually, and sometimes bitterly, over our trust issues.

And now we wouldn't hesitate to tell the other confidential, classified information, knowing that we'd be better off if we did.

Valek fingered a lock of my hair. "I made you wait all day. You go first. Tell me what's wrong, love."

I stepped back toward the couch playfully, "Well I made you wait two seasons."

But I promptly informed him of the situation and my bad hunch about Blood Magic being involved.

Valek considered the new information carefully. He removed his jacket and began to pace. "It's uncanny because I found similar developments in MD-5."

A shudder swept through me as my thoughts instantly went to Carra and the other people who were left behind. While Irys and I had been able to save several children, there were some who couldn't be helped. And moving them only agitated them. I had gone back several times before but had never been able to restore their souls. Having been robbed of all their magic, they had essentially died.

Valek must have seen my expression because his face was laced with concern. But I gestured for him to continue.

He nodded. "Someone has been targeting sexual assault survivors. They're going down the list of 'alleged' victims and disappearances have been reported." He sat next to me and kneaded his temples. "The worst part was having to deal with all the advisers and incompetent security – victim blaming galore. And they still ask why MD-5 has the highest rate of sexual abuse crimes."

Anger burned in me as I recalled the General "voicing" his concern without appearing to make much effort to amend it. While the promotion was great, he was not too thrilled over inheriting a district with such a reputation. But that was all he seemed to care about. "What's the point of all these laws then?" I already regretted not pressing the issue harder at the Brandy Meeting.

Valek smiled sadly at me. "I can make a good case on the basis of homeland security and tranquility. But when it comes to policy, it seems you'll have to be the one to lead that, love."

He glanced at me quickly and, energized, said, "I know that look though. You'll change this system yet. And I'll help you."

I smiled, already thinking about the future. But we still had this situation to take care of. "If these two plots are connected, then it would make sense to look for victims in MD-5 because of the convenient location. It's right next to the Southern border, so they wouldn't have to worry about moving large distances."

Valek seemed to follow my train of logic. "I briefly visited MD-7 and there have been no reports or suspicions of any unusual amount of border crossing."

"They could be using magic to deflect the border guards. Or disguising the prisoners as trade goods in crates." My last run in with Starr was still fresh in my mind.

"Then Sitia would be the best place to go. What were you planning?"

"We're going to meet Leif at my Featherstone cottage. He's still doing some investigating. And…" I sighed in annoyance, "Ari, Janco, and Maren all want to come…because evil things will happen if we leave them behind. But how will you cover for everyone?"

Valek snorted in amusement. "The Commander will have to know I'm gone. And no leaving me behind was never going to be an option. He'll easily grant permission when I tell him that his people are getting kidnapped and dragged across the border. Ari, Janco, and Maren, however…it'll be difficult. Then again, we could use all the help we can get."

"None of them would take no for an answer."

Valek grinned. "Well that put that debate to rest then. I get a feeling that if we leave them behind, they'll be sneaking along anyways. And besides, I can always send one of them back early in case there's trouble."

For the next hour, we mapped out our journey: the schedule and the supplies that we would need.

When we were finally done with work, we all but fell into each other's arms and kissed with passion that we had to suppress all night.  
He began nuzzling my neck and my voice came out breathless, "You know something funny, Valek?"

"What?" He placed a trail of kisses down my neck and tugged at my shirt.

"I've never seen your bedroom."

He laughed and taking my hand in his, eagerly led me up the stairs to the door with the elaborate hunting scene.

The suites that he and the Commander occupied were the most elaborate and expansive of the castle. Naturally, they had belonged to the King and Queen of Ixia prior to the takeover. It was truly a fitting end.

Unlike the common areas of the suite, Valek's bedroom was far more minimalist. A stout bed with an ebony headboard and frame was placed in the middle of the room with a matching bedroom bench at the foot of it. The rest of the chamber comprised of a wardrobe in a discreet corner and a carved desk and chair on the other side.

I spotted the intricately designed double glass doors next. They led to an elaborate balcony and I stepped out, eager to see what view he'd have from this room. I breathed in the cold night air and leaned out over the banister. A gentle breeze swept through me as the moonlight bathed the castle grounds in its complete stillness. The gardens were a small distance away, giving the occupant of this room a most peaceful and calming sight to wake up to each morning.

Valek chuckled at my curiosity and began to turn the covers down. It was a habit of his that I loved: making sure that I would never be cold.

When I finally turned back to face him, he reclined on the bed, head propped up on one elbow, and waiting patiently for me. His inviting smile drew me closer.

I perched on the side of the bed closest to the balcony, intimately naming it mine, and began to remove my boots. Valek's gentle and deft fingers began to untie my hair from behind. His hand lingered in the strands as I turned to kiss him.

In another moment, the weapons we always tied so securely to ourselves fell to the ground with a satisfying thud.

_~Valek~  
_

"This bed is so comfortable." Yelena yawned.

Valek couldn't help but smile at the way she relaxed deeper beneath the covers, preparing to fall asleep. But even as she lay securely nestled in his arms, the dull ache for her wouldn't go away. He had chalked it up to having to lose her twice but the rationale never made him feel any better.

"It's a different experience when there's someone in it with you. And lavender is a soothing scent to fall asleep to." He had meant to sound casual. But the longing from his heart had inevitably snuck into his voice.

Yelena shifted so that she could see his face. Her perceptive eyes – ones that his vulnerabilities and weaknesses could never hide from – pushed his stony guise aside with ease. "We won't go to sleep yet."

...And yet she would never use any of it against him. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. "I love you."

**Long, long chapter I know. I hope it wasn't too overwhelming. I considered cutting it in half but then it was like "nah I'd rather they finish the day (and night!) in one go...all the way up to couple time." And like I said, a good deal of this has already been written so updates will be coming like candy. :)****  
**

**Review please! Your kind words really do make my heart soar. **


	3. Chapter 3

Leif stood in the living room of the cottage, pacing. It was already a dire situation if he had to resort to using the now very limited glass messengers to contact me. But he seldom paced and the newly found habit worried me. He hugged me as soon as I walked in but continued to frown.

"You don't look too good. Did you and Mara have a bad quarrel?" I teased.

Leif's face brightened with complete adoration at her name. "Not even! We're still on our honeymoon."

"You've been on your honeymoon for the last year."

He shrugged and grinned silly. "Marriage is fun! You ought to try it sometime." He shot me and Valek a very pointed look.

I cleared my throat and gestured for the party to sit. We made our greetings before I asked, "Any recent news?"

"We've spoken to some of the captives: The ones who were able to talk anyways." Leif said, "One thing that their stories all had in common: they were taken to dark rooms and the perpetrators were masked. No surprise there. But one disturbing trend has been found." He tugged at his collar, uncomfortable. "They're starting to leave on their own. Some of them go after being discharged and others will leave in the middle of the night."

Already putting the story together, I prompted, "And I'm guessing they all head to the same place?"

Leif nodded grimly. "They don't go home or back to their rooms in the Keep. But there doesn't seem to be a fixed destination either. Thus far, we've been only able to find…dead bodies. And here's the kicker: all causes of death have been determined to be suicide."

"That can't be right."

"Every single body was examined more than thoroughly by a variety of magicians – including the masters - and healers searching for signs of foul play."

"What were the methods used?" Valek asked in a flat voice. His face hardened as he began to pace.

"There were six who managed to leave. One of them was just discovered yesterday." Leif sighed with weariness as he kneaded his temples. "We found their bodies near the Citadel. The methods were asphyxiation by hanging for one, two cases of cut wrists, one jumped from a lethal height, and two died by ingesting poison."

Janco scratched the bottom half of where his left ear used to be. "So if they were found near the Citadel, they couldn't have gotten far. Which might mean they weren't on horseback. But if you were going to do something like this you might want to be a bit farther away to prevent discovery. So it seems that they weren't really planned?"

"Suicide is not typically an impulsive decision." I cut in. My voice was more wistful than I intended as my mind drifted to several souls I've come across...and to my own past. "It's usually thought out and does take careful planning. So this would be out of the ordinary. And we also have to ask how they managed to get a hold of these methods. Finding a sharp blade and possibly a sharp ledge wouldn't be too difficult. But where would they get the ropes and poison from?"

"You think someone else is involved." Ari said. It wasn't a question.

"Yes. Someone had to give it to them. Even a sharp ledge would be difficult to find, now that I think about it." Being surrounded by flat plains made that difficult. That left tall buildings. The Master Magicians' daunting towers suddenly came to mind. I turned to Leif. "And there were no failed attempts?"

He fidgeted. "There was one. One of our people managed to catch her before she could… jump. She managed to get to the balcony on the tenth floor of Master Bloodgood's tower in the middle of the night."

"Did anyone talk to her?" Maren spoke.

Leif sighed as exhaustion lined his face. "Briefly. Master Bloodgood has been trying. And so has Healer Hayes. But she was mostly unresponsive to us. That's where it might be handy to have a Soulfinder on our side."

"And if there was someone involved, they would make sure the one who got away can't talk." I said. "I'll pay her a visit. We'll go to the Keep tomorrow and continue our investigations there."

Leif nodded reluctantly, avoiding my gaze.

Sudden realization struck me. "Was it May?"

When he affirmed this, I stood and walked across the room. "I'll do what I can." My voice sounded absent as my mind went back to _that_ night. The night when I killed Reyad – not for me, but for all my other brothers and sisters – so he would never be able to do this to anyone again. The fact that Brazell and Mogkan got to her regardless…it was too much.

I felt a firm hand on my shoulder and turned to see Valek peering at me with concern. Shaking my head, I smiled to indicate I would be fine. "Does she have any family with her? Their bonds to her may help wake her soul."

Leif thought for a moment. "A message was sent out some time ago…roughly when I contacted you, if not before. Either way, they would be on their way." He grinned. "This is good timing. We might be able to meet them just in time."

We spent the next hour charting our journey and preparing for any "surprises" we may encounter on the road.

"There's also this." I glanced quickly at Valek before continuing, "We found eerily similar developments in Ixia."

A rapid explanation followed, "Someone is targeting the same kind of people. Systemic disappearances have been reported. Paperwork never helped too much as the most a border guard would chart down in their log book is a departure and an arrival. They never put down anything specific, such as their destination or point of origin. That's kept on the transfer papers which get lost all too easily."

Valek interjected before we could go on, "We need to focus on one problem at a time. There's no sense in stretching ourselves out too thin, even if it is all linked. We'll conclude our investigations here and return to Ixia to do the rest and uncover all the players."

"On happier news... and speaking of good timing…" Janco chimed in, "It's a good thing the wedding will be in the Citadel, huh?"

I agreed, "Although I honestly can't believe Vyncenza really needed to put in all this time and energy for another wedding to begin with. It surprised me though. I was sure she'd stay a bit closer to home so her family wouldn't have to travel so far."

Leif explained how he had acted as witness to the first. "Well the first wedding was at the Citadel. Perfect reason to be sentimental: celebrate the first anniversary with a second wedding. Speaking of which…Mara and I have been married for a year…"

"Go ahead," I shrugged. "I'll just be there for the party. Not napkin folding. Although…" I looked at Valek and we both grinned conspiratorially at the fond memory of other "activities" we managed to sneak in while making swans. I cleared my throat. "Still, I would've thought the ocean to be a perfectly romantic scene to be married by."

Leif smirked in the most annoying way. "You're not planning anything are you, little sister?"

I laughed – I wasn't even going to grace that with a retort. "Unfortunately, no. But from my very important diplomatic training I can say that it would've boded far better and helped with her relationship with his mother."

All traces of humor disappeared from the faces of the men in the room.

"Um, Yelena?" Leif stammered, "Are we still talking about the same guy here?"

"The Stormdancer. Kade." I said without hesitation. "He's rough around the edges but he is a very stable match for her. And his mother can be a difficult person to hang around with but I'm sure they'll get used to each other eventually. Don't tell me you objected Leif…!"

The tension in the room failed to dissipate. Glances were exchanged threefold and I didn't need to be a Soulfinder to know they were all deciding whether to tell me something important.

Ari spoke first. His voice was unbearably strained. "We thought you knew…"

"Knew what?"

Ari, Janco, and Valek all fidgeted.

"Opal isn't marrying Kade." Leif choked out the confession. "They officially broke up after the battle with the Bloodrose clan."

Not marrying Kade? That made no sense. If not him, then who else could it have been?

"See there was this other guy…" Janco began.

It clicked. And it took all I had not to pounce at him. "What other guy? Surely not Devlen?"

Their collective chagrined expressions were all I needed.

I turned to Valek – who looked the worst of them all - and gave him a nasty look. Honest, open ended communication between us from now on, my ass. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Leif gaped. "I thought you knew! Why didn't anyone tell her?!"

"It didn't seem like you needed to know." His voice was strained.

I began to pace in agitation. "I didn't need to know? This woman married the same man who kidnapped and tortured her a year ago. And I was going to go bless a second wedding of all things. AND I didn't need to know?!"

"Wait, bless?" Leif squeaked.

I whipped around to face him. "Yes. It was supposed to be a big secret like the groom somehow was. But yes," I pointed to myself with mock fanfare, "I was supposed to preside over this wedding."

"And you didn't know?"

"She only told me she was going to marry 'the love of her life.'" Cold fury spiked my words. "I would only assume that it'd be the guy she had been going steady with for over a year."

Janco scratched where the bottom half of his left ear used to be. "They've been married for an entire year, Yelena. And Devlen has proved himself at the Bloodrose Clan battle. We all trusted him with our lives and he followed through."

"The so called reformed are ones to be leery with." Ari conceded. "But he really has reformed. Even the Sandseed horse, Quartz, called him 'Changed Man' and welcomed him into the 'herd.'"

"Opal loves him." He added quickly after a tense pause. "And when he nearly died, he made his mutual feelings known as his last words."

I looked to Maren, who seemed to be the only sane one in a world gone mad. She matched my outrage. "And all four of you thought this was a good idea on the basis of something as flimsy as love? It doesn't matter how much he's 'changed.' He can't be completely reformed if he had the gall to marry someone he traumatized."

Leif asserted, "You two don't know anything about what she's been through. And you haven't been through what she's been through, Yelena. You can't just make assumptions about this."

Somehow, I never got around to telling my family about Reyad's abuse. It was never necessary. But seeing as to how I wouldn't be able to sway them with my words, I sat back down, fuming. I would talk to Opal. At the end of the day it would only matter if I could get her to call this off and leave.

Valek reached for my hand but my arms were folded firmly.

* * *

I yanked at the lock picks in my hair so impatiently it hurt.

"Opal asked me not to tell you." Valek said from across the room.

I threw the lock picks unceremoniously on the armoire and turned to face him. "After you advised her to request that of you, no doubt." Travel weariness had added to my irritation, sharpening my words.

His annoyed, rather than remorseful, expression only fueled my anger. I watched as he casually removed he undressed and the worst desire to jab him with a dart full of truth serum came to me. I decided to go to bed before either one of us started an actual fight.

As Valek climbed in from his side, a sharp, sarcastic comment came to me. But I swallowed it and rolled onto my side, away from him.

The lights were dimmed and we were quiet as a palpable, hard tension lingered in the space above and between us. For a moment, I gazed at the window and let my mind drift away and out it. I found Shadow in my excursion and, with his consent, joined him on his journey for dinner. We flew through the night and grew fuller with each insect we ate. Shadow was more interested in the taste and contentment in his stomach. I shifted away from that and focused on his other sensations – the feel of the cool night air and the absolute, carefree freedom of being in flight.

A sudden dip in the bed brought me back. Valek draped his arm over me, clutching my wrist. My hair was tucked aside as his lips brushed reverently against my cheek: a white flag.

My anger had abated from the meditation and time that had passed. But I was still sleep-deprived and annoyed. "No. Not tonight."

He wordlessly released me and rolled back over to his side.

His voice rang out in the still darkness. "I love you, Yelena."

At least we still knew how to be kind to each other. "You know I love you, Valek."

I sighed and closed my eyes as I let my mind drift away again. Soon I was out the window and away from all this once more.

**As always, review please! Thanks to the anons who did! You two are absolutely lovely. 333**


	4. Chapter 4

It took all I had to smile politely when we reached the Citadel and met Devlen and Opal. I was ready to strangle the groom but made civil greetings with the rest of the party.

The cooling season was taking effect and a chilly breeze swept past us as we lingered at their threshold to tie up last conversations (and to settle passionate debates over the use of rugs on Janco's part). Opal took the opportunity to press closer against Devlen, a look of complete and unguarded adoration on her face. She sighed and smiled dreamily up at him.

Devlen didn't look at her. His determined gaze was on Janco as they continued their debate.

"I would think this cold weather would be ample support for the need of rugs. They keep your feet warm."

Janco waved his argument away easily. "If you call carpet burns a good kind of warm. And besides, socks are perfect alternatives…without the burning."

"People seldom get carpet burns to begin with. They usually only happen when…" He cut himself off when Opal, blushing profusely, nudged him with her elbow.

Janco maliciously feigned ignorance. "Yes? When they…?"

"Well…oh come on, Opal it's a funny story! Please?" He smiled sweetly at her and she relented with a very annoyed sigh. "There's this activity…"

With Devlen sufficiently distracted, I turned to the bride and asked, "May I speak to you for a moment? It's about the wedding." I pulled Opal aside before she could disappear into her room. Grateful for the reprieve, she let me lead her to the gardens where we stopped in front of the Fire memorial.

"How is this any different from what you have with Valek?" Opal demanded as soon as I voiced my objection.

I felt my world shatter and my insides turn to ice. "That is not the same thing. It's not even comparable." I tried to keep my voice from shaking as much as possible.

"How come?" She snapped. "You were his food taster. Someone he kept around to sacrifice. That's hardly a healthy relationship. And you really mean to say that this isn't the same thing?"

"It's not." I played my last and lowest card. "Because he never intentionally hurt me."

Opal turned away, agitated and fuming. "This is exactly what I was afraid of. But Devlen would _never_ do that to me again. You don't even know him if you really think he would."

"But how long have you known him? And I mean really known him. Known him not as someone you were afraid of and couldn't say 'no' to? As an equal partner? And could you honestly say that you've reached the point where you can comfortably set up boundaries with and contradict him? The way you were able to with Kade?"

She turned, eyes blazing. "I knew you were going to bring him into this."

"This isn't about Kade!" I threw my hands up. Two onlookers stopped to stare. I lowered my voice, "He's the farthest thing from this conversation."

"Alright, then you just don't like Devlen."

"You're right. I don't." I took a breath, willing my voice to stay even. "Like I said, it's not about Kade. I'm not here to reproach you, call you fickle, or anything like that. I'm here as a friend who cares about you, Opal. He's not good for you. This isn't good for you. And with children…"

She cut me off. "You looked into his soul, Yelena. You told everyone he had changed."

"I looked into his soul and the most I could find was a vague potential for change. Why do you think the most they ever did was put him in Dawnwood as opposed to Wirral? Why didn't they just let him go if he was so reformed? He could have just gone on to be a valuable member of society, as opposed to wasting tax money, if he was so committed. I was actually ready to have him executed, without question, for his crimes, and _especially_ for what he had put you through. But Irys had the gall to ask me if I believed in change." I could feel my face flush with anger and frustration as I paced. "And I knew that what she really meant was that I would never be able to hold my head up again as a Liaison if I said no."

"And he _has_ changed, Yelena." She held her hands out for emphasis. "He really is reformed. Valek trusted him with the men closest to him as well as his own life. Ari and Janco wouldn't kill him when they had every reason to. Leif and Mara stood witness to our first wedding. Master Magician Jewelrose presided over it herself." She sighed. "I know it's hard to believe. But I know he is different. We all do."

When I didn't speak, Opal continued, "This is my choice, Yelena."

I kept from groaning out loud. "You don't make choices like this in a vacuum, Opal. Most of us don't."

"It's still my decision. And I really want you to respect that much."

I studied her intently. She flinched under the scrutiny. Finally, I spoke, "Then you'll have to respect the fact that I can't preside over this wedding."

Opal gaped at me. "But you said…"

"You didn't tell me the whole story. You kept this very important detail away from me on purpose. And I will be candid with you and tell you that it was dishonest and immature. Just be glad I didn't find out at the ceremony itself." I turned and walked away.

* * *

An anxious group of people lingered outside the infirmary when I arrived. Based on the resemblance and the worry, I assumed they were her family.

Healer Hayes finally emerged and held up a hand to stop us all. "I don't want too many of you around her at once. Family first."

The massive crowd behind me began to shuffle in.

He sighed in exasperation. "Right. Let's try this again. _Immediate_ family first."

An aunt, uncle, and grandmother stepped aside for ten people to come forward: two adults and their eight other children in tow.

The Healer threw his hands up. "Parents. Just parents. Can we do that?"

We all waited outside as May's parents talked to her. To my chagrin, Devlen approached. And he wanted to talk to me.

We headed to a secluded corner near the infirmary. I crossed my arms, creating a barrier between us.

"Opal and I uncovered some information on the Blood Magic that may be in use." Devlen began after two students walked past us. My skin crawled at his use of the Sandseed dialect. "Although I wasn't able to do much with the patients."

"Who decided you were allowed to help? Or even near them?!" My hands itched to beat his face in. "Do you or anyone else have any idea how triggering your very presence can be for these people?!"

He sighed and took a breath. Devlen glanced at the infirmary and held his hands up. "Alright. Then at least let me help you find whoever is doing this to them…without coming in contact with the patients."

"No."

He crossed his arms. "Will you really put more lives in danger just to spite me?"

"We can manage."

"I know this is not what you would have expected." He tried another tactic. "But please believe me when I say I do truly care for Opal."

"I know you do. Men like you usually think they do." I stepped up to him so that we were at eye level. "But know this. If you ever hurt my girl…I will rip your soul up into shreds so small that even the Shadow World won't have anything to do with you."

Before he could say another word, May's family exited and the Healer gestured to me.

May sat up on the bed; legs crossed and with a thousand yard stare. When I entered, she jumped at the sudden movement and looked at me with wide eyes.

With a sigh, May relaxed slightly and looked down at her hands in her lap. I sat next to her in the chair.

"I guess you're here to ask what happened too." Her voice was so resigned it broke my heart.

"Only if you want to tell me." I wanted to do something, anything. My hands itched to braid her hair that hung down past her shoulders. It had grown so much longer than when I last saw her. Old habits died hard.

"They said that if I didn't start talking then it'll just happen to someone else. And it will be because I let it happen. But when I told them, they didn't believe me."

"Who's 'they'?" I tried to keep the anger out of my voice.

She looked away.

"May…" I rested my hand next to hers on the bed. "You can trust me. I believe you. I believed you before I walked in the door."

"They told me what I went through couldn't have been that bad. I was one of the lucky ones who were saved by Master Jewelrose. And when they thought I was asleep they were saying I didn't look like a victim. I wasn't crying. I wasn't shaking. I was awake. I was talking."

"You were healing." I said firmly. "There's no right way to react to something like this."

May smiled weakly at me. "I wish more people would believe that."

"They're wrong." I took her hand as she reached out for me.

"This will happen to someone else?" She asked in quiet voice.

"It could." But I added quickly. "I don't have to know the details. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to say. I just need to know the general idea."

Her grip around my hand tightened. "I see the same thing all the time. It never stops." She looked down, concentrating.

"Take your time."

She nodded. "I see it when I'm awake. I'm _always_ there."

"When you say you see it, do you mean flashbacks?"

"No. I'm _there_. It's happening to me again. Brazell throwing knives at me. I feel the knife cut into my skin. I even smell the blood when I bleed. But when I come back and tell them, they tell me I was dreaming." There were no cuts on her neck, only old scars from years past.

"I believe you." I said. It was real to May and that was real enough.

"And then there's this voice. This voice that tells me how to make it all go away."

"Do you know whose voice it is?"

May shook her head. "But they always tell me everything will be okay. And that they will help me. They seem so nice…It was why…it's why…I let them…I almost…you know."

"I'm just glad you're here, safe, and alive. Did you know where you were going?"

"No. He just…he just takes me there, I suppose. I'm so sorry, Yelena. I was so pathetic. But…I was so tired...I just…I wanted it to stop."

"It's not your fault. This could happen to anyone."

I stayed with her a bit longer, making small talk and braiding her hair when she felt comfortable being touched. We reminisced on the happy memories we did have and even told ghost stories we used giggle and squeal over during those dark nights in.

Before I could walk out the door, May called out to me. "Will you visit me again, soon? I don't see you very often these days."

I smiled and hugged her. "I will as soon as I can."

* * *

"Absolutely not!" The Healer exclaimed. "What are you people even thinking, if you were thinking?! The whole point of you lot being here…" He eyed the Ixians suspiciously. "…Is to keep people from going there in the first place!"

Irys stepped in and said patiently, "The main problem is we don't know where they're going. But one thing is clear. There's someone guiding them there."

Hayes shook his head. "It's all the same with you people. It's just another body, another life to be sacrificed. You don't care about these survivors. You're not doing anything to help them particularly heal. The only reason this was even labeled a crisis in the first place is because they're suddenly drawing too much attention to themselves. It makes the Council look too obviously inefficient."

"Then let me promise you this. Our first objective will be to retrieve and save them. I promise none of your patients will die on my watch."

He remained unconvinced. "There isn't anything I could do about it either way. If this is your plan, this is your plan. You always put people like me in this position. We never have a choice. The most I can do is go along with it and not sabotage anything. Because if I do, then I'm suddenly the one who's putting lives in danger."

Without another word, Hayes stormed out of the office in disgust.

I turned to Irys. "He is right though. There isn't enough being done for these survivors. They need more help than what we're doing for them."

But she was already at her desk, focused on contingency plans. "That's for another day, Yelena. You need to focus on the big picture so we can prevent this from happening to even more people."

I flashed back to when she told me I was "sulking" after Roze nearly violated my mind.

"May…did you believe her when she told you what has been happening?"

She sighed and looked at me with tired eyes. "Yelena, what I believe doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. It mattered to her. It always matters. What did you tell her?"

"I told her what I believed." Irys leaned back in her chair and spoke with weary patience. "The trauma had repressed her powers when we found her. And you know her magic has a great deal to do with tactile sensation – changing the texture and feel of objects at will. Bain and I discussed this. If she was having these sensations from these flashbacks, it's very possible it was her powers regenerating and affecting her body as it was trying to resurface."

"So you didn't believe her."

"You weren't listening."

"You essentially told her this was in her head."

"And what's your point? Why are you pushing this?"

"I'm trying to tell you why your tactics didn't work. Or why no one had been able to get through to her."

"But you did. And here we are. If this is your way of fishing for a compliment, then by all means take one. We couldn't have done this without you." Sarcasm spiked each word.

I sighed. I wasn't getting through to her. "I'll see you tomorrow morning."

* * *

I leaned on the threshold of the door. It was definitely annoy Yelena day. "If you're here to talk about Opal's supposed happiness, I'm not in the mood."

Mara looked ready to throttle me. "This _is_ about Opal's happiness."

I crossed my arms. "No it's not. You see the thing is I don't care about how they think they feel. I don't care if he can swear to me that he loves her. I don't even care that she loves him. Because contrary to what you believe, I do care about her future and any happiness she can have there. And I will _not_ give my blessing for a disaster waiting to happen."

Her hand balled up the fabric of her skirt into a fist. She took a deep breath. "I'm trying to understand you, Yelena. I really am. You're telling me that you object to this even though they both love each other and have shown nothing else for the last few seasons? What do you not like about their relationship? And how can they fix this to earn your blessing?"

I turned and gestured for her to enter the room. Mara hesitated but followed me to the living area. Exhaling a breath I didn't know I held, I went into the kitchen to make some tea for us.

After the small break, I gave my explanation. "You know what he did to her, right? And I'm sure she hasn't told you many details."

Mara added sugar and stirred her tea. "He was the one who kidnapped her and took her into Ixia, hoping to find one of the glass prisons. He was also the one who tortured her to make her betray you. But that doesn't-"

I cut her off with a hand. "Exactly. Everyone here is forgetting that, including Opal."

I considered my next words carefully. "If anything were to ever keep her awake at night, to haunt her dreams, and to cause her unimaginable pain, it's this. Abuse isn't a normal kind of pain and trauma can cause people to do the most uncharacteristic things…and to feel the oddest things. Abuse victims don't always hate their abusers. And abusers sometimes claim to love their victims. And it's not uncommon for people to go back to the ones who hurt them. She was fourteen years old when this happened, Mara."

Mara considered my words carefully. "Does it always have to be this way?"

"No, I suppose not. But it usually is. Either way, I don't feel right about this at all."

"Yelena, there was a good reason why she asked you." She shifted nervously in her seat. "When mother found out about what happened…she was reassured at first. But then the details came out and she absolutely forbade it. Even after learning a Master Magician approved and officiated the ceremony, mother remained completely against the match." Mara took a breath. "But if the Soulfinder married them…"

"Then there would be absolutely nothing wrong with what they're doing." I finished for her.

"It would mean the world to Opal." She said as she gathered her things to leave. "She hasn't had the opportunity to make many choices in her life, as you of all people would understand. It's always been other people deciding for her, for better or for worse. This is one of the first big decisions she's ever really been able to make for herself."

* * *

The wedding was a semi-small affair held in the early morning. A grand total of forty-three were in attendance and it was held in the Keep's gardens.

I donned my ceremonial robes, which I had kept within my quarters in the Keep for such occasions. Maren and I stood in a corner below some eucalyptus pods and made small talk as last minute details were being taken care of. She, along with the others, wore their Ixian uniforms, earning several gawks and scowls from guests in attendance.

"Sorry about this whole dragging you to a wedding for two complete strangers." I muttered.

She laughed and declared, "No need for that! I love weddings!"

I grinned. "Glad to hear it!"

Across from us, I spotted a familiar face among chairs being set up. My smile faded away and I excused myself from my friend.

I tapped Kade on the shoulder and he turned quickly.

"Yelena!" He pulled me in for a quick hug. "It's so good to see you again!"

"Same to you." I smiled. "You look great."

Kade chuckled. "Thank you. The word's been spreading like an unharnessed storm though. This whole Soulfinder officiating thing…there's a few couples back in Thunder Valley who are already thinking of possibly making the same request. Oddly enough they're mostly ones who are unsure and may even be getting cold feet. There's something about a Soulfinder being the best judge of true soul mate status of some sort…"

He was making a valiant effort to relax – lest he'd ruin his wedding present of "clear skies" - but I could sense the strain and hurt emanating from him.

It didn't take much to convert the garden into a suitable place for the reception and ceremony. The dusty millers, camellias, and roses bloomed in welcome to those who entered. The air was conveniently still without any distracting cooling season breezes to blow small leaves and branches across the courtyard. A wedding arch was erected at the center, with lace curtain detail held back securely by curled liana vines: a gift from Leif.

"I have something I'd like to get off my chest." He looked down at his shoes. "You might be the first and only person to understand."

I turned to him and met his eyes.

After a moment, he said, "I lied. I lied when I said 'I realized we couldn't be together,' or that I understood and respected her decision. It hurt like hell but I knew nothing I said or did could have moved her at that point."

Kade exhaled and shook his head. "This is wrong. He is wrong. Devlen is the last man in the world she should be with. After all he did to her, everyone still supports him. And Valek of all people… It's like a world gone mad. I don't buy this reformed act. Or his so called newfound love for her. I don't buy any of it."

"That being said…" He gestured to himself. "You can see how this is just insulting. If Opal couldn't tell, Devlen would have known."

I patted his arm before turning him over to Mara, who had approached us from behind. "If it means anything, I was always rooting for you from the start, Kade."

The Man of Honor gave me a small smile and nodded. "That made me feel slightly better. I think what I regret the most was never getting around to taking her surfing. Maybe," he chuckled, "she would have picked me then."

I squeezed his hand before and we turned to begin our descent. The crowd awed and beamed at our entrance. Through a forced smile, I managed to at least look like I volunteered to be there as I led the honored couple. I encouraged him to do the same in our mental connection. _Exert yourself. At the very least you'll have this dignity. _

We took our seats at the front and when the music marked Opal and Devlen's entrance, I could swear a less than gentle wind blew past us. _Don't look back._ _You don't have to see that much. _

With a stiff back, Kade kept his face stubbornly toward the front.

The twice betrothed glided down the altar and stood before me. Devlen's mouth was set in a straight line and Opal looked to me with trembling lips and wide eyes.

People were so strange. I sighed inwardly as I thought of Kade's friends in Thunder Valley. Who was I to even judge who was right for each other? Maybe I should consider calling myself something else besides a Soulfinder.

I spun the snake bracelet on my wrist and told myself that they had been married for a year and that nothing had gone wrong…that so many people approved of this union…that Devlen had managed to win the trust of skeptical Valek and a Sandseed horse…that I had to believe in change. I clasped – wringed - my hands in front of me.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to…" And yet I already felt so detached from it all.

"Stop!" A voice rang out from the end of the altar.

"But I haven't gotten to the objections part yet." I said in deadpan.

It was Healer Hayes. He dashed down the aisle to us, apparently unaware of the gasps and gawks he was getting from the audience.

Breathless, he bent over and rested his hands on his knees to recover from his recent exercise. After a minute, he said between gasps, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I had to do this." He glanced quickly at the couple before addressing me. "But can we talk in private?"

"Of course." I said before leading him to a secluded corner.

Having caught his breath, the Healer's voice intensified. "If you're going to follow through with this mad and potentially _lethal_ plan of yours, you need to go _now._"

"Someone left?"

"Her name is Sky. The helpers say she left at least half an hour ago. I came as soon as I heard."

I looked back at the couple, who were watching us anxiously from afar. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy this happened. "Thanks for letting me know. We'll leave immediately."

* * *

"Heading out?" I met Kade at the gate. I was still waiting for the others to change and ready for our mission.

The decorations had been taken down by several volunteers. But nonchalant guests were still gathered in cliques and bemoaning the inconvenience of having to stay another night. Leif and Mara were making rounds to apologize and placate as much as possible. Opal and Devlen were taking a bit longer to get ready as their wedding clothes were a bit…harder…to remove.

He nodded. "I fully confess to having wished for something like this to happen."

I chuckled. "Then you're evil and should be banned from the make up wedding there inevitably will be."

"Oh thank fate…er…I mean darn, please don't I couldn't bear it!" He hung his head in mock disappointment.

We chuckled and made some companionable small talk for a few minutes. The Stormdancer nodded and bade me goodbye.

He began to walk away but stopped midstride. Kade turned back to me. "Um, Yelena? You know that whole thing about you being a Soulfinder thing? Do you think that you could by any chance…?" He gestured to himself and made a grimace, indicating internal pain.

I smiled ruefully. "I could. But you really wouldn't want me to." There was a good reason why love spells in any shape or form go against the Ethical Code.

He sighed and his shoulders slumped. "Of course. You're right, as always."

"Good luck and take care. Don't hesitate if you need anything, even just to talk."

"Thank you, Yelena. That means a lot." Kade bowed to me and walked away.

* * *

Our party consisted of Opal, Leif, Irys, Ari, Janco, Maren, Valek, me, and to my chagrin, Devlen. It was difficult to convince anyone to allow Ixians to stay behind to stand guard over their loved ones. Bain and Dax Greenblade set up in the infirmary and we locked them in.

Ari and Janco walked ahead of us, tracking the steps. It wasn't Market Day and the Citadel was not as crowded. We eventually tracked Sky out, past the barricades. As expected, the guards were not paying enough attention to notice what was going in and out. I would have sent Shadow ahead to scout but the magic may give our position away.

After some more trekking, we made our way to the path that traveled to Fulgor, the Moon Clan lands.

"Could she have gotten this far?" Maren asked. "She's only an hour at the most ahead of us."

"Nope." Janco stood. "This is where the path ends."

"Then where would—"

A gasp from behind a boulder to our right silenced us all.

I walked slowly and carefully toward the source. There was a shudder before the person darted behind, shadow and all, to the back.

I said in what I hoped was a soothing voice, "It's alright. We won't hurt you."

There was a heavy thud that made me run behind the boulder. Sky was huddled and shaking on the ground, her head buried in her arms. She looked up at me with empty eyes.

I sat next to her. "This isn't you fault. None of us blame you. We just want to take you home."

After a moment of silence, she shook her head. "I don't want to go back. I'm so tired."

"Then where do you want to go?"

"I…I don't know." Sky clutched a knife in her hand.

"Well it's normal to be tired. You must be going through such a difficult time right now."

"You don't understand."

"You're right. But I still want to help you. I want you here."

"He told me…it wouldn't hurt anymore."

"Who's he?"

"I don't know."

Irys materialized next to me. Sky looked away quickly and seemed ready to run. I squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "No one blames you. This wasn't your fault."

"We have to go." Irys said. In my mind, she told me, _Someone is close._

Leif came up to us shortly and knelt down to gather Sky up in his arms. She followed wordlessly and without struggle.

"I'll take her." He told me. "We'll meet you all back at the Keep." They quickly disappeared out of view.

Smothering my troubled thoughts, I asked Irys where she sensed them in my mind. She cocked her head to the side and bid me to follow the rest of the party. We all walked in cautious silence for several minutes, knowing we were closing in.

"This seems a good place to stop." Devlen said suddenly, his voice odd. He glanced around him, oblivious to our gapes.

"Devlen…?" Opal started.

At the sound of her voice, his cold blue eyes snapped back to us. He studied his wife briefly. "You knew. You knew and you didn't say a word."

A ring of steel and I knew my companions were ready for battle. "Traitor." A growl erupted behind from Ari.

A tear streamed down Opal's cheek. "I didn't want to believe it. I didn't…I…we were so happy. I thought that would be enough for you."

"You believed in me so much you even delivered the Soulfinder directly to me." His voice was calm and bemused.

"Why?"

He was silent for a moment, considering. Then he replied, "Because I could."

I turned sharply to Opal. She met my eyes and I could sense so much guilt in her soul. Shaking my head, I demanded of Devlen, "How did you do it? I should have sensed it."

He smirked and reached under his shirt to produce a bone pendant. I gasped. It was carved in complete likeness to the one that I had given Janco briefly – the one that held Lamar's soul. The soul blocked magic, even my abilities, from sensing the intentions of a person. "You should know better by now, Soulfinder. It happened with null shields, curare, and the like. Whenever someone comes up with a good idea, the other side is never too far behind."

"It doesn't matter. It's over, Devlen."

He laughed. "No. This is the part where I give you the cliché: it has only begun. And unfortunately, none of you will be leaving here alive."

Janco stepped up to him. "Oh yeah? You and what army?"

From behind several trees and boulders stepped his "army." I counted twenty against seven. Swiftly, they surrounded us.

We all turned to glare at Janco as they approached us.

Ari sighed in exasperation as he griped his sword securely. "You just had to say that, didn't you?"

We backed slowly into our round battle formation and Janco grinned. "You have no idea how long I've waited to use that line. No one goes out alone anymore. Everyone always has to have their groupies."

"I never pegged you as one to fall back on clichés. Did you finally lose every last bit of that originality you were clearly not born with?"

Before long, they launched into a large, inappropriate argument.

Valek spun the knives in his deft hands as we came back-to-back. "Warpers again? You never take me anywhere interesting these days, love."

"Fine, then you can pick the next vacation spot."  
"This was a vacation? Funny, I couldn't tell. It always feels like a vacation for me when I get to be with you."

I doubled over in laughter at the corniness. "…Stop…I can't breathe…!"

"This is not the reaction I was expecting." Devlen stated. The other goons looked at us in equal parts confusion.

Of course not. While the old married couple was bickering and the sickeningly sweet lovers were flirting, Maren had thrown enough sleeping gas to put a little more than half to sleep.

The goons scattered and we began battle. Opal seemed to be in shock as she stood blankly with her unopened Sais at her side. I shoved into her. "Move!"

Valek hurled a knife into one throat and sliced another in one fluid motion. Ari and Janco both fought one-on-one several feet away.

"His goals are sound but he's going on the ground!" Janco sang as he cut one down. He leaped over to help Ari. "This one has muscle but it won't even be a hustle!"

We were winning, I realized as Maren and I struck left and right with our bows. A sudden cry made me stop.

At a small distance away, Devlen had pushed down on a pressure point, bringing Opal down to her knees. I impatiently beat a goon away with a strike to the head and tried to run to her. But at that moment, Ari's and Janco's respective battles had backed them in front of me, blocking my way.

"Opal!" I called out in vain as Devlen dragged her away.

With unsuppressed rage, I brought down another goon and took down the one Janco fought.

"Hey!" Janco sputtered. "Get your own!"

"He took Opal!" We had to finish this. Now.

I expanded my mind with Shadow's help. He flew across the land and scouted for her.

I snapped back to see Janco, Ari, Irys, and Valek all looking at me. Maren was preoccupied in a bow fight with two assailants. "He's taking her toward the Avibian Plains."

I closed my eyes and projected myself and my presence away. I felt myself grow lighter and let the breeze carry what was left of me away.

* * *

_Ari, Janco, and Maren_

Janco blinked when Yelena vanished into thin air.

"I could use a little help over here!" Maren called out before he could say anything. The two goons had brought some more friends from apparently nowhere.

Ari and Janco went to her aid and their combined strengths defeated all four with relative ease.

Janco stopped to catch his breath. He gestured to the exact spot where Yelena had been. "…Could she always do that?!"

Ari shook his head. "I just resolved to not be surprised anymore. At this point I wouldn't even be fazed if she can talk to snow cats and make friends with them too. Hey, where did Valek go?"

. "Couples!" Janco threw his hands up and looked around. "And that other magician's gone too..."

Maren came up to them. "We got distracted and we're late! Which way?"

* * *

_Yelena_

I hid behind a boulder and waited for him to turn. Gripping the bow, I concentrated on finding the opportune moment.

"Do you submit?" He asked, raising the scimitar again.

I whacked him across the head with my bow, sending him sprawling on the ground. "How about hell no?"

I made sure he was unconscious and cut his null shield jacket off before running up to Opal. She fell against me, her body cold and bleeding profusely. I steadied her and tried to focus her but her eyes were already fading. "Opal…Opal stay with me."

Resting my hands on her shoulders, I instinctively assumed her more critical injuries and pulled at the power source. Opal moaned softly as her head lolled to the side. I had forgotten. Her immunity, like Valek, made it impossible for me to do anything.

Fear tightened my throat as my heart raced, using up precious energy. Remembering past experience, I willed myself to concentrate on what I could do. I supported her for a few steps. "Can you walk?"

She gave a weak nod and murmured a "thank you." I sighed in relief. At least she was still coherent. At least _I _was still coherent.

Before we could get far, a terrible sense of foreboding filled me from behind. I sensed so much sadistic desire to cause pain the sensation was nearly enough to bring me to my knees. Instinctively, I shoved Opal aside, onto the ground. "Stay away!"

I grasped my bow. But Devlen was quicker. Before I could counter his scimitar, he had knocked my weapon from my hands and pinned me to the ground. "Now!" He called out.

"Interesting." A voice I didn't recognize said suddenly. "I set my trap to catch a glassmaker and I catch a Soulfinder instead."

A cold, steel finger tapped at my mental defenses, slicing into my iron castle as if it were clay. I had used too much energy transporting myself here. Resisting was like climbing a mountain after having run laps until my legs burned. I knew at the point I wouldn't have the strength to fight and win this battle anymore. I had used up too much energy.

But I grasped Devlen's hands as they pinned my shoulders down and felt the buzz combine with all the rage within me. _You wanted to be reformed? Then you will be reformed. And you will share your life with Opal as you've always claimed to do. Because from now on, you will never be able to go a day without feeling the exact same pain you've caused Opal. You will see and know how she has suffered. And if you ever even think to hurt her, anyone she loves, or another young girl again, the guilt will tear your sanity and your soul apart into nonexistence._

Devlen gasped as his face contorted in horror. He made one shaky glance at Opal before ripping his hands off me as if I burned him. I was temporarily free when he scrambled off of me and his rapid footsteps receded into the distance.

But the Warper already had me and had begun forcing his way into my mind…my past…the threads of my story.

Already anticipating what would ensue, I screamed. I screamed as he ripped past the last of my barriers and invaded my darkest days, taking my memories for his own. The cold knife sliced through my walls and seared into my very essence, leaving me with hollow, dead emptiness.

But it would be nothing compared to what they were about to do to me next. I heard a distinctive tread followed by a sudden halt. Irys was rapidly explaining to someone that if they break our mental connection, my soul could be ripped apart. And I heard her call out to me, saying that I could get through this. That I could weather out this storm. She had no idea what kind of storm this was.

Suddenly it wasn't the masked Warper who approached me. It was Reyad. His cruel smile lingered as he blew a kiss to me.

I thrust violently, willing my mind to be free of the illusion. But it was no longer an illusion: Because none of it was or ever would be.

**Quick note on content warning: Chapter 5 includes flashbacks and what can be triggering themes of abuse. You don't have to read it to follow this story. **

**Other than that, please review! Thanks to those two - anons again - who did! *Gives you two big consensual hugs***

**Update 2.0: Yelena can't heal Opal because of that null shield she got courtesy of Valek at the end of Spy Glass. I honestly doubt Yelena could have done much after doing big magic like that anyways haha. Minor detail but it was bugging me so I fixed it. xD**


	5. Chapter 5

**CW: Themes of abuse and rape culture. This is Yelena's flashback. You can get by without reading this chapter.**

The first day I met Reyad. We were huddled in a group; the latest installment to their insidious plot: lost, confused, and delirious from Mogkan's magic. Mogkan spoke quietly to Brazell, who smiled in satisfaction.

Reyad, who had been observing quietly, stepped forward. He was so young then: Several years older than me but a child nonetheless. Yet he had already learned what it meant that he was a General's son.

He saw me first. I was the only one who stared. Stared at his strange clothes, the way his chest puffed up with all the self-importance a nine-year old could possibly conjure up.

"You, girl, what's your name?" He pointed at my chest and demanded. Behind him, his father beamed.

"Ye…Yelena." I managed to stutter.

He smiled. I would see that same smile whenever he pulled the wings off a small bird or tortured a kitten by dousing it in water.

"I'm Reyad." He said. He didn't offer his hand to me. "Well, aren't you going to say hello? Aren't we going to be friends?"

"Hello Reyad." I mumbled.

He frowned, "That's Reyad, _sir_. You need to learn some manners." With a disgusted scoff, he turned and walked away.

* * *

We often stayed together. We played together. We heard and told stories together. We became brothers and sisters, all bound together by a common thread: lost, lonely children with neither past nor future.

But Reyad didn't like being left out. He'd force himself into our games. We'd relent because there was nothing we could do. And we had to let him win or he would be angry. Once, when May won a ball game, he pushed her down on the ground and pulled on her braids with no reprieve. She screamed and cried but the servants all turned a blind eye.

But he never bothered any of them as much as he did me. He'd tell me later it was how he showed his love.

There was only one person who took pity on us. And that was the steadfast nanny, Stoya, charged to look after us.

She caught Reyad pushing me face first into the mud once at the front of the house. He kept going even after my face was sliced open from the rocks and I choked. Without hesitation, she yanked him off me and gave him a sharp slap and a more than severe reprimanding.

Reyad cried and ran to his father, who had ridden in on his mare and saw the whole scene. Brazell met him halfway and held him close. He never glanced at me.

The General was furious, "What the hell did you do that for? I could have you put away for child abuse!"

"Child abuse?!" Stoya ejaculated, "That's a laugh! What kind of a father are you? You saw what happened. He needs a sound beating is what he needs. If you let him keep this up, I can guarantee you he won't stop at small animals once he's grown."

"Silence!" Brazell seethed. "How dare you insinuate that of my son!"

"It's the truth, you arrogant fool. The boy has already learned to be cruel. Pain thrills him. If you don't teach him better now, he'll never know anything but that. He'll never know intimacy, gentleness, kindness. He'll hurt everything he claims to love and wonder why his victims won't beg for more."

Brazell scoffed and began to coax his beloved son by promising him all sorts of gifts and privileges. "Not this again. He's young. You of all people should know that this is simply how all boys show girls they like them. You claim to have experience with all children in your resume. But I'm beginning to doubt that."

Stoya tried another tactic. "Sir, I never want to say this about a child. Because I truly believe they are too young to fully understand the consequences of their actions. But Reyad...he's bad. He's a bad kid. I don't know where he learned this from, but a child who would feel this much satisfaction from causing pain needs help."

We never saw Stoya again. She was replaced by another nanny who never so much as lifted her eyes up from the dirty laundry when one of us screamed and cried from the abuse. This one only heaved a great big sigh over having to rewash the dust and the blood from the pants and shirts after Reyad emerged from the front door and pushed a boy down the stairs and onto the ground.

* * *

The seasons passed and we all grew older. As lonely and lost as I had been, I should have been more grateful for those simpler days. I should have known what would come when they started telling horror stories speculating what went on behind the door next to Reyad's bedroom: the screams, whimpers, and agony they'd say they'd hear. But we all dismissed these cautionary tales as mere stories. None of us were ready, let alone brave enough to face a horrific truth we couldn't change.

And so we believed it without question that the older orphans had been transferred to military districts where their skills could be put to good use. Dancers, singers, artists, writers, and acrobats…in a land where music and color was deemed a waste of time…you could see the depth of our denial.

When I was exhausted and nearly broken from the experiments, I rejoiced at any reprieve. I sat behind May as I braided her hair and told her all her favorite stories the last few days we were allowed to be together. Her eyes lit up purely for seeing me and my heart lightened and lifted. I wore gloves over the scars I was beginning to have.

But I had to go back to my room eventually – that room next to his. I swiftly and sometimes ran when there were no servants to yell at me. But he always caught me when he wanted to.

Reyad fell into step with me. He slipped my hand into his arm and smiled. I grinned, as tears filled my eyes from the pinching he did. He'd hurt me more if I showed anything less than pleasure. Two servants walked past and one said to the other, "I heard she arranged to have a room right next to him." The other frowned, looked straight at me, and shook their head.

"I like you a great deal, young lady." He whispered in my ear. My skin crawled and I wanted to vomit.

He continued, in what he thought was a seductive voice, "I really can never help myself around you. But you keep leading me on for some reason."

"Reyad, please." Too late. I realized my mistake.

We stopped. He frowned and his jaw clenched, "You still don't know to address me by 'sir.' Do you never learn or are you just doing this on purpose to make me angry?"

"I didn't mean to. I…"  
He dropped my arm and turned his back to me. After a minute, Reyad sighed and shook his head, "I'm so tired of this. Why do you make it so hard to love you? I give you so much. My father has given you so much."

"I'm sorry." I said without hesitation. My eyes were downcast.

He turned back and smiled, "It's a rough patch we're going through. But we'll get through it I'm sure."

Suddenly he yanked me to him. I collided with him painfully.

I heard some more footsteps and derisive chattering. I felt his hand wander down my back and my body froze, lest it shatter completely. I never fought him; I would hear them say when I was back at MD-5 several years later. If it was really sexual abuse like they keep saying it was, they said, I would have fought…I would have screamed…I would have protested.

But no sir, I saw them together several times with my own eyes. He was always very nice to her. She was crazy with jealousy when he simply realized he deserved better than a nameless orphan and she simply snapped.

And sometimes he was sweet. Genuinely sweet without causing me pain. The honeymoon period: when I did well on his tests.

This one time I fell out of a window six stories above and should have broken my neck along with everything else. But I survived. The buzz saved me and I landed safely on the ground.

Reyad blew me a kiss as his face was flushed with pride.

The next day he brought me flowers. Floral arrangements didn't have a pragmatic purpose in Ixia so there was no longer an industry for it. That meant he had to have meant it when he took said he took all morning to pick them himself.

I held the carefully arranged bouquet gingerly and, without hesitation, thanked him and said they were beautiful.

He kissed me tenderly and showered the most flattering and sought after of compliments and praises. When I couldn't bring myself to blush the way he wanted me to, he got angry. But he didn't show it then. Even better, he had charted it into his journal.

Reyad took me for a long, romantic walk into Snake Forest and made it absolutely clear how smitten he was with me. We stopped for a picnic in a secluded area and he brushed my cheek with a feather like caress, murmuring more sweet coos and complements as he pulled me close and kissed me. He surprised me with sweet cakes because he knew they were my favorite.

I wanted to fight him, to push him off, to at the very least demand an explanation for his sudden, erratic change in behavior. But I never did. An aching, lonely part longed for the kindness, the nurturing I had been so long deprived of that he was somehow able to give. And a chilling, frightened voice counseled me to take what I could get. Because this wouldn't last. But that same voice speculated that if I behaved and kept from making him angry, he might always be like this.

When we neared the border, my heart clenched and pounded; I saw my hand slip out of his arm so that I could fly. And if I were caught, I would dare one of them to ask me what I had been through. Just ask and I would confess it all. I would give them my own journal, detailing every single time he beat, cut, and humiliated me. And they would take pity on me and I would be taken somewhere else and be saved; somewhere warm, safe, and loving. My fantasies were so elaborate I could hardly contain them nor separate them from reality sometimes.

This other life I dreamed of became my obsession: An adoptive family. A kind of love that wouldn't hurt this much, this often. Someone who would be kind and gentle without demanding anything from me in return.

Reyad led me away and I blamed myself for the longest time at losing this opportunity.

* * *

"Too independent, willful, _impertinent_…I'm done with her." Brazell said and turned without a backward glance, as if I were a toy that had been cast aside.

"Can I have her, father?" He was so eager his voice trembled.

Brazell's eyes narrowed at his son. "I wish you didn't let her get to you like this." But he waved his hand dismissively, giving his blessing.

Servants entered the room. Reyad smiled as he gathered me in his arms and kissed me – to outsiders a chaste and honest kiss.

They would gossip about this. Look at all that make-up she had on. She did start getting all uppity two years ago...led him on a merry chase too. Look at the way she just threw herself at him. Mmm…she had to have been jealous of him going with a General's daughter. I heard she's pregnant. What a way to repay her benefactor for his generosity. It was only a matter of time. You can't trust these orphans to have any class. Eventually one of them would try to get themselves into the General's house through the bedroom. I mean it's not like she wouldn't have found a decent situation elsewhere…

When the servants walked out I began to beg then. Beg for one more try, one more chance, and one more mercy. Anything but this. But Brazell was deaf to my cries and Reyad laughed as he dragged me away.

I still jump when people try to sneak up to me from behind. And even after all these years, there would be days when my body would stiffen and even recoil with Valek. When that happened, no amount of rationalizing could convince it that this was different...that this wouldn't be painful...that we were past this...that this was sweet, loving, and caring.

My body only knew it was back in Reyad's bed, prostrate and with my hands chained behind my neck as he raped me.

And I could never explain it. I couldn't explain how certain headboards and even bedsheets triggered me. It made no sense in my mind and made even less sense if I talked about it.

The soldiers yanked me off Reyad's dead body cruelly. I was dragged naked throughout the manor to the carriage.

I heard them before they spoke. Looks like she finally snapped. And after giving herself to him like that too. Giving? You mean throwing don't you? The General…how will he ever survive this grief?

* * *

The voices hadn't stopped even when I became liaison and was in Ixia on my first official visit. They still knew my past. And they knew how I got the only promotion ever given to a food taster.

Slept with the security chief this time, one said. Looks like a General's son just wasn't good enough for her! That one really knows how to get around. Tell me about it… did you know she had a room in his suite by the second week of work? And Valek has never taken any interest to a woman before, much less a murderer! I'd say she must have charmed him with some kind of spell but then there's that very odd immunity of his. I wish the Commander wouldn't be so blind though. What can you expect from magician women anyways? I would never debase myself like that. Some women were just born with no class.

I thought I would be alone when Valek found me sobbing in a deserted storeroom after a meeting. He never asked why. He humored my pathetic attempts at normalcy. He nodded sympathetically and made all the right replies when I said I was just stressed and frustrated over some negotiation for coffee trade that didn't go right. He was that good.

And then suddenly the voices stopped. When I came back not two seasons later, the servants either shied completely away from me or they would smile nervously, brush past me in the hallway and all but run to their destination.

It might have lasted for only a second but I had caught Valek's very momentary lapse in dispassion when Margg dusted his desk one day. He had glanced up, too quickly to be casual, with narrowed, steely blue eyes. His hand clenched around his pen in the same way it would around his favorite knife. She stiffened and paled: her reply to the silent warning.

I never knew what punitive retribution he had promised and brought upon those who challenged this threat.

* * *

I gasped, sucking in the air. The swirls and flashes seemed to have stopped. I was back in my own body and my mind was emptied of its unwanted guest. My body desperately needed air, as if I had emerged from watery depths. I breathed in deeply once more. It smelled of rat, putrid straw, and excrement. I was in the dungeon…his dungeon.

"She's back." Mogkan declared.

"Ah, what a relief." Brazell agreed. He wore his own, fitted General's uniform. The honorific medals glinted in the moonlight.

I glanced wildly about me.

Brazell knelt down and smoothed out my hair. He smiled kindly. "You had us so worried, my dear."

I only looked dumbly at him.

"Things will be alright now, Yelena." Brazell coaxed. "Our good friend Mogkan here will have you fixed up in no time."

He swirled a vial, admiring its contents in the dark. Mogkan approached and nodded to Brazell. "This medicine will help her."

I squinted at the man. He looked so familiar. But Brazell held me by the shoulders, ordering I drink. I tried to turn away and my head and nose were held back. The liquid came down too quickly and I sputtered, choking. Brazell held a hand over my mouth until I swallowed.

Sharp, groping claws encircled my mind. They probed deep, taking and shredding those doubts and memories. Through blurred vision, I saw Mogkan standing with his back to me.

**Personal Note: I think the one thing I could never forgive MVS for was her handling of abuse and sexual assault survivors. Aside from having a main character marry her abuser - which was a HUGE slap in the face - there was always a shit ton of victim blaming and generally unhelpful things said to survivors from the other characters. The most problematic aspect of it all was that whatever shit they said is depicted as helpful and productive. Either that or this "issue" just takes a backseat or disappears and no longer carries any real impact on the character. Or even better, it can be fixed with magic. **

**And especially speaking**** as someone who works at a rape crisis center, one can really not be more disappointed at the sheer ignorance and lack of research. I mean seriously, random men evil for no reason with chips in their shoulders against strong women that just appear out of nowhere to rape them? Give me a break. **

**Okay, now that I'm off my soapbox, please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

The body is not built for continuous pain and suffering. At least mine wasn't. Eventually, as it always does, the pain deadened away and I felt my body lose all sensation and my mind go elsewhere.

Hours may have passed. When I regained consciousness, darkness had descended.

A cold breeze swept past me, but I was too numb to shiver.

The simple act of sitting up, let alone helping them seemed excruciatingly difficult at this point.

But the guilt was worse. The guilt was always much, much worse. Worse than being helpless…than the feeling of wanting to tear my own skin off…than even having my mind and boundaries ripped apart and shredded the way it had been…

I willed myself to stand.

I willed myself to stand in spite of the growing ache in my lower back and the splitting headache. I waited for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Stumbling, I leaned against a tree for support. Where the hell was I?

The simple thought exacerbated the headache and I cried out in agony. Nausea took over and I bent over to vomit.

Wracked with dry heaves, I pressed my back heavily against the tree, head strained up at the stars.

Breathing heavily, I listened to the crickets chirp. The stars and moon were out, offering some semblance of light. My eyes shifted and saw several more trees and a dark, shaded impression in the grass where my body had been.

The woods, I realized. I was in the woods somewhere. Well that certainly narrows it down.

I shook my head and tried to organize my thoughts. If the Warper attacked me in broad daylight in front of a Master Magician, escape couldn't have been easy.

Teleportation was a skill that took me a little over two years to learn. And it also burned energy like no other. Going from one's room in the Keep to a few feet outside the Citadel could be enough to sap all the power of an inexperienced magician; requiring bed rest for an entire day.

And taking another person with them - especially after pulling off big Story Weaver magic like that - they couldn't have taken me far…Unless there was a rendezvous point where I was handed off to be dragged out farther away. Or worse, they had already amassed so many souls that such magic would be a dismissive wave of the hand. But if the point is to give me back, then it'd make sense to put me somewhere close to the Citadel.

I moaned softly and hung my head. Dehydrated and exhausted beyond measure, I was beginning to feel dizzy and lightheaded.

But I couldn't stay here. I had to go somewhere. Or else I'd give into this terrible urge to lie down in the soft grass.

I turned, searching for some sign of civilization. A considerable distance away, smoke rose from the chimney of a possible glass factory. My thoughts went to Opal and what Devlen had tried to do to her. Worry suddenly began to gnaw at my stomach. I was able to keep her husband from harming her but the Warper was a different story.

Heaving myself off the tree, I staggered in the direction of the smoke.

For a while, I collided past several trees, scratching against branches and pine until my arms itched from the sticky sap. Cold sweat beaded my forehead as the headache and back pain worsened. I looked ahead, and unable to see any clearing, fell.

I pressed my hands to the ground, arms trembling and fingers clawing at the grass. Get up, I told myself. Get up and keep moving. But I was so tired...

A branch snapped behind me. I gasped. Bandits? Wild wolves? Something to put me out of my misery? I closed my eyes.

"Yelena!" Janco emerged from the shrubs. His pale, horror stricken face made me wish for a wild animal.

Before long, my companions emerged from the same spot and swarmed me, their hands reaching out to me like overgrown vines suffocating a tree in the jungle.

"What's wrong with her? She looks sick." "She's just traumatized. She needs space. Give her some space." "Yelena? What do you need?" "Yelena?" "Yelena?!" "Are you hungry? Do you want some food?" "Janco!" "What?! This is a serious question! She's been lost for hours!" "Let me help you, love. You'll fall over." "Yelena, can you hear us? Are you still here?" "Are you hurt anywhere?"

My head began to throb and I felt on the verge of a panic attack. "Stop…" I think I mumbled. "Stop please."

I stumbled to my feet and backed several steps away from them. The pain grew worse as everything I could see, smell, touch, hear became too clear…too overbearing…too rough...too loud…

Groaning, I doubled over, staggering on my feet. Their voices and bodies faded away into a blur.

Suddenly I felt the full brunt of the violation. My body couldn't even register, let alone react to what had just happened. I slammed both hands at my temples as if to keep my mind from tearing itself apart. My knees buckled and my body gave as I staggered. I would have collapsed in an ungainly heap had Ari not appeared behind me, catching me below the arms and steadying me.

I felt myself drift between consciousness and unconsciousness amidst alarmed voices as I was swept into someone's arms and carried away.

* * *

_Ari, Janco, Maren_

"For pity's sake, not another one!" Extreme exhaustion lined every inch of Healer Hayes's face and he looked on the brink of collapse. He glanced about wildly and spotted an empty bed. "Set her down."

Ari gently set Yelena on the bed. Her head lolled to the side and her eyes were open but unseeing.

"Give her room, give her room!" The healer dashed over with a bottle and signaled for the party to take five steps back. He pressed a hand to his patient's brow and was silent for a minute. When he looked up, his miserable expression provided no consolation. "The most I can do for her now is to put her to sleep."

Yelena did not even blink her eyes.

Hayes lifted her up gently and tilted the bottle at her lips. With insurmountable patience, he managed to coax, "Two swallows, my dear. That's right, you're doing very well. Good."

With a soft sigh, Yelena's eyes closed and she slumped in his arms.

Hayes breathed a sigh of relief as he set her down and soothed her hair. "Some patients needed injections…"

When he turned to them, his voice quiet and grave. "Is there anything that she has which could let her escape? I'm talking lock picks, weapons, the like. And…" He glanced at her sleeping form, "I don't mean only what's in her bag."

Ari and Janco automatically took a step back with their hands up.

"I'll do it." Maren said, stepping forward.

Hayes nodded and drew the privacy curtain closed.

* * *

_Yelena_

I woke in the middle of the night to find myself in the Keep's infirmary. I had a near panic attack when I realized I had no idea how I got here. There were few recollections of consciousness and simply exerting effort to remember exhausted me.

The other patients were still asleep and the room was lit only by the moonlight that filtered in through the window by my bed. I sat up slowly, every small movement difficult and heavy. Grateful for the water at the bedside table, I poured a glass and downed it. The cool liquid relieved my burning, parched throat.

I lay back on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. When sleep wouldn't come, I rolled onto my side and began to idly trace patterns in the soft blanket. Eventually I fell into an unfeeling stupor as my mind drifted away. My body was numb, as if it didn't belong to me. I felt so empty and alone.

I needed someone, anyone. Go away, I ordered myself. Go somewhere warm and where you're believed, validated, and comforted.

I ended up in an empty, white, sterile room. A patient voice drew all my attention.

"What makes this so difficult for you?" The medic I envisioned asked me. Dressed in white, she held a folder and assessed me with clinical eyes. When I didn't answer right away, she rephrased her question. "You seemed to always have had these memories. But it suddenly seems harder for you. What was different about revisiting them this time?"

"I had to relive everything. Especially those last two years." I told her as I organized my thoughts. "And I gave these memories to him. He forced his way into and took apart my mind. I…I lost everything. I feel as if I no longer belong to myself anymore." I rambled on about Roze's near success at tearing my mind apart years ago when Cahil had first brought me before her as an Ixian spy. My face was wet with tears by the time I finished with how I had stayed in my room for three days, unable to bear the thought of anyone even looking at me.

"I believe you." She nodded and wrote down a note. After a while, she raised her head to look at me once more. "And what has worked for you in the past? What brought you out of this when it happened?"

"Irys did." I sighed. "She told me I was sulking. I couldn't…I couldn't say no to her. She told me I'd been through worse. I had never been able to tell her how completely miserable I felt when she told me that. But at the same time I knew I had to be strong. In spite of it all, she came, brought me food, took care of me, and gave me a reason to leave my room. I had to come back because it's what she was expecting. I had to be better for her. She cared so much that I just couldn't bear for her to see me suffer."

The medic leaned against the arm of her chair thoughtfully. "That sounds very frustrating and difficult. Tell me what happened next."

"I came out of my room. That was the only thing that mattered in the long run. For that I am grateful. But yes. I hadn't felt so guilty about what Roze did until she told me that. I felt I could have done something. I could have prevented it somehow. Maybe if I tried harder to have a good relationship with Leif from the start, he would have protected me. He was Roze's apprentice after all. I could have held Cahil more responsible than he was. Or at the very least I could have coped with it better. I could have done more than sleep and lie around for three days."

"But it's not your fault. You know that right? You couldn't have prevented Roze, a Master Magician at the time, from doing what she had done. And the kind of pain you went through was a very uncommon and unimaginable kind of pain. It's not just a bad day. It was scarring and impairing for you."

Disbelief swirled in my stomach. I've heard this before, but not all too often. "I know it's not my fault. But even now I have a hard time believing it sometimes. I wonder if I could have prevented Reyad from doing what he had done to me. And I wonder if…I could have even prevented Brazell and Mogkan from taking me for their experiments in the first place. If I hadn't been so trusting, I could have kept from being kidnapped in the first place."

"But you couldn't have. The very root of this was that they made decisions independently of what you wanted. And that's why it's not your fault and you didn't do anything to deserve this."

"Not my fault…"

The kind medic faded away as I drifted into an exhausted sleep.

"Again." Mogkan commanded.

Brazell gave me a sympathetic smile and handed me the vial. "It will make you feel better."

I blinked. What was I even doing here? Something wasn't right.

When he saw me hesitate, the kind General knelt next to me and tilted my head up to face him. "You need it to be well again, my dear."

"I never feel well when I take it."

"Just common side effects!" He laughed and ruffled my hair. The hearty laughter and attention that used to make me glow with pride suddenly made me shiver. "You'll be fine. You'll sleep through it all, I promise."

Pain sliced into my head again. It felt like my hair was being pulled out one strand at a time. I looked at Mogkan. He smiled and when I blinked, we were in that jungle again. That jungle I know I've never been to but seemed so familiar. He was on the ground, clutching his ankle for some reason. I felt a foreboding…a part of me telling me to run…run as far away as I can. It was the same part of me that kept me from touching a hot fire and from running on ice during the Freezing season.

I looked back down at the vial Brazell had given me. It didn't feel right. Something was very wrong. I set the vial down on the straw.

Brazell and Mogkan looked at one another, concerned. Mogkan scowled and whispered in Brazell's ear.

The General made a silent signal before approaching me again. This time he was accompanied by the new nanny. The one would never even tell us her name. She wiped her hands on her apron and glowered.

Heart racing, I backed to the end of the cell, shaking.

"I didn't want to have to do this, Yelena." Brazell put his hands behind his back and shook his head. "But this won't do. You'll catch cold if you stay in this dungeon for much longer."

The memory of being held down flooded back and I snatched up the vial. But I still felt wrong about drinking.

"You're scared." He stated. "It's alright to be scared. Your mind isn't in a good place right now. That's why we're trying to help you. But to do that, you have to take your medicine."

My head throbbed at that very moment, as if something was pushing against it…almost as if by magic.

I opened the vial and the throbbing went away. Brazell gave an encouraging wave and I drank obediently.

He smiled and shrugged his uniform jacket off and draped it around me. Resting his hands on my shoulders, he glowed with paternal affection. "There's a good girl. You'll be out of here before you know it."

I hardly heard what he said after that because I could no longer keep my eyes open. But before I could fall asleep, the claws came back. There was a sharp, screeching ring as it sliced through my barriers. I screamed –whether inwardly or outwardly I couldn't tell. And yet my body was warm as someone held and cradled me.

Brazell would tell me I was dreaming and having a nightmare when I woke in my own bed…five days later.

* * *

_Healer Hayes_

"How are you feeling today?" Hayes asked his patient several steps away from the bed.

Yelena jumped and glanced at him sharply.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you."

"How did I get here? How long was I gone?"

"You were brought by your friends. You've been asleep all of yesterday and today. It's nighttime."

Yelena ran a hand through her hair as she concentrated. "…What's going to happen to me?"

"You'll be kept here for a few days and, if your condition seems stable after that, be released. In the meantime, do you feel any discomfort or tenderness anywhere? Do you need anything?"

She gazed at the Healer absently for a minute before saying, "That's not what I meant. But I'd like to take a bath, if that's alright."

"...Of course!" He gestured toward the back of the infirmary where the baths were.

While Yelena bathed, Hayes updated the concerned party of her status and ordered a balanced meal from the dining hall. At his desk, he muttered under his breath. If he had it his way, she wouldn't have to see anyone for at least another week unless she requested it herself. Usually, his jurisdiction would trump even the Master Magicians' authorities. But because there was an "investigation" involved, that exception was overruled.

"No more than three at a time and ground rules," He looked at everyone with as stern an expression as he could muster before counting them with his fingers for emphasis. "No crying, no screaming, no fighting, no blaming, and not even…" Hayes looked at the Ixians very pointedly. "…any valiant promises to kill the bastard who did this to her. You will not torture my patient any more than she has already been. I will give no warnings; you break one rule the slightest bit and you're banned until she's discharged. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir!"

Yelena sat up in bed, hugging her knees. She stared across the room, apparently fascinated by a crack in the wall, and did not seem to notice them approach her bedside.

"Yelena? You're safe now." Leif rested a hand on her shoulder.

She jerked violently at the contact. "Safe…" The patient muttered, "Safe…Opal!" She shot up suddenly with restless energy. "Opal…! I have to… Is she alright?! Is she safe?!"

Leif took her shoulders and tried to calm her back down by explaining quickly. "She's fine. She's a bit shaken up, but fine. They didn't manage to get to her or do anything to her. You saved her."

At that, Yelena let herself be guided back down into a sitting position on the bed.

"What happened?" She asked in an uncertain voice.

Valek was brief and concise. "We brought you back. You slept while we continued to investigate. I sent Maren back as our trip has been extended."

She clasped her hands tightly. "Oh. Everyone's delayed because of me?"

"It's not your fault, Yelena." Irys interjected, placing a hand gently on top of her tense ones.

All three of the visitors looked at her in concern.

"I feel so helpless." Yelena said after a moment in a soft voice. "And alone."

"You're not alone." Irys said firmly. "And whatever he's making you see or even feel is not real. All of that is in the past and is over now. You've been free for years."

"But what if it never ends? What if this _keeps_ happening? And I'm never free?"

"It won't." Irys declared. "Bain and I will figure out what to do and we'll cure you. He'll be out of your mind and you'll be fine."

She shook her head. "It goes beyond that. Before Devlen did-"

"Don't worry, Yelena!" Leif's voice was too cheery. "Devlen's been taken care of. He can't hurt you or come near you again. You don't have to worry about him at all. It's all good."

Yelena narrowed her eyes at him. She glanced at Valek quickly, who shirked from her scrutiny.

Without taking her eyes away, she said in a low voice, "I can take anything from you but a lie, Valek."

He valiantly returned her gaze and held it for a moment, deciding. Then he spoke, "Devlen is our only link to whoever the ringleader is right now. We decided to let him think he managed to escape. But he won't come near you and he _can't_ hurt you." His voice intensified. "I promise."

"I know." She said. "I've made sure of that too."

Irys exhaled sharply. "You didn't…you cursed him?"

"I had to keep him permanently away from Opal." Yelena said tightly. A small, brief spark re-lit her eyes as she challenged her. "And you've always said the Ethical Code didn't apply to criminals."

The Second Magician looked uncomfortable. "This is a difficult case, Yelena. And curses are always up for debate in any situation. Opal would have had to press charges against Devlen and since so few know…"

"You need to keep this under wraps. And I could blow that for you. But it's funny how raping a person's mind is never considered a curse."

Her chagrined expression said it all. "We'll worry about this after we uncover and put a stop to this operation."

"Well it won't be too bad. We've the Soulfinder on our side. All we have to do is track them down and Yelena can suck out the souls and release them to the sky. They lose their power, we go in, and bam!" Leif clapped his hands together, "Problem solved."

"I can't help you." She said.

"Why not?" Leif demanded.

"Shadow's gone." Yelena shook her head numbly, "And I can't hear Kiki."

Leif blanched, "What the hell did he make you see?"

She only shook her head again as her hand had migrated between her teeth. When she caught everyone staring, she pulled the hand out quickly and declared, "I really don't want to talk about it. I'm so tired…please let me sleep."

Before anyone could interrupt, the Healer stepped in between them and spread his arms out. "That's enough. I don't care how important your investigation is. You _will_ leave her alone."

* * *

_Leif_

"Where's Moon Man when you need him?" Leif threw his hands up in frustration as they all congregated in a guest room.

"That bad?" Ari tensed with anxiety.

"Sometimes under great stress magicians can lose their magic temporarily. Or in rare cases they form a null shield." He paused and looked pointedly at Valek. "But Irys was still able to put her to sleep and calm her nightmares so it couldn't be the latter. Though believe it or not I wouldn't even mind a null shield so much but for that look on her face… I've seen that look before, many times on the investigations I go on. And it was the same one Gelsi wore before she died. She looks like she's checked out…like she's holding out for one final battle before…" he couldn't finish the sentence. "I don't like it. And we have to watch her. I'm so worried."

"This is my fault." Opal said, shaking her head, "She was protecting me, as always. I always cause bad things to happen to her. Jabbing her with curare…letting him do this to her…"

"Hey!" Leif grabbed her by the shoulders. "We'll have none of that right now."

She looked away, ashamed.

Leif paced in small circles, his steps agitated. "Irys's protective charm won't last though. Whoever this is is in her mind. But there's something I can give her and it'll take me a while to find it, if I can even find it. What am I saying, I have to...and soon! I can't lose her again."

Before anyone could reply, he had run out of the room into the night.

**Another chapter! :D As always, please review! Of course, thanks to those who did, especially "Guest," my very lovely and thoughtful anon reviewer. And I hope this chapter makes it clearer what was happening to Yelena when it came to that dungeon scene. If it's still clear as mud, the next chapter will make it super obvious. :) **


	7. Chapter 7

I woke the next day disappointed that I had missed seeing the light of day again. Turning in the small bed, I stared up at the ceiling until the grogginess subsided.

To my right, the helpers chattered softly as they took care of the other patients. Judging by the loud, agitated voice followed by one marked with weary patience, Healer Hayes was discussing a last minute medical issue with a concerned family member at his desk.

Sighing, I propped myself up on my elbows. A pitcher of cold water was placed next to me and I took a drink.

A helper rushed over as soon as she saw me. She looked me over briefly and I could smell the antiseptic off of her. With a satisfied nod, she announced she was going to bring me dinner. The affirmative tone of her voice made it clear that eating was going to be an order.

I sat up and watched briefly as the other orderlies interacted with the others. I counted seven patients with four attendants in total. To my relief, May and Sky were no longer here. But I still worried they could be left alone for too long.

"I hope you've been enjoying your trip down memory lane. I know I _have_."

I cried out and jumped, causing a loud creak in the bed. Hayes, startled halfway out of his chair, glanced sharply at me in concern. When I gave him a short wave, he sat back down slowly, eying me warily.

I didn't look at Reyad but kept my face stubbornly facing front, watching for the helper to return with dinner. As usual, no one else could see him. Hayes continued writing and charting and the other helpers walked past my bed with trays filled with dinners and medicine.

"If you're planning on calling on me so often, don't you think we could set up some kind of schedule so I could at least look like I've maintained my sanity?" To my great relief, I managed to keep my voice soft and steady.

"Oh but what fun would that be? You know nothing's more romantic than spontaneity."

My skin crawled and I shivered.

I could feel his smirk. "I've missed you a great deal, Yelena. Sometimes I think you're avoiding me." The playful lilt in his voice wasn't lost on me. It's the same one he'd use to tell me that the experiments and beatings weren't "so bad" and that I'm always acting scared and "jumpy" over nothing. "How it hurts my heart…"

"Provided you had one." I finished for him just as the helper came in with my dinner.  
"Eat. You'll need your strength." She propped the tray up in my lap.

When I thanked her, she beamed. "Feel better soon!"

I picked at the meat and gnawed on a small piece of bread. The food was ashes in my reluctant mouth.

Reyad tsked. "Still so bent on pleasing others…well except me of course. You never tired of annoying me."

I stabbed my fork forcefully into the salad and ate a large bite.

When I had finished, I set the tray aside and lay back down. I gazed up at the ceiling and projected my awareness to the soft sheets that surrounded me; needing to carve the feel and comfort into my memory.

Healer Hayes came to my bedside, interrupting my reverie. He asked if I felt better. Yes. Then, whether I was comfortable. Of course. Did I feel safe? Why wouldn't I? Are the nightmares coming back? Yes…but obviously, they're all in my head. Well that's one way to look at it. With all the sleeping I did during the day, it seems I'm still having trouble sleeping at night, he noted. I'm trying to get back on schedule. That's good. I seem more lucid now than during the day. Master Bain Bloodgood will try to see me by the end of tomorrow, even if it means paying a visit at such an hour. Would that be alright? Sure, I guess so.

I rolled onto my side as the lights were dimmed.

_Yelena, the 'shining one...'_ It was that voice again. I shut my eyes, burying my head under the pillow.

When sleep wouldn't come, I groaned and turned toward the window.

_Let me ease your pain, Yelena. You don't have to go back there anymore. _

Don't listen, I schooled myself. He's trying to hurt you.

It laughed. _But there is no one else. Where will you go? _

* * *

There was no good reason to shackle me in this cell. I couldn't pick locks. And even if I could, there was clearly nothing to pick them with. The chains clanked in protest as I hugged my knees to my chest, the steel scraping into my skin until it was raw.

Brazell came back in with breakfast. He had brought sweet cakes.

I tried to stand, but the chains were too heavy in my frail condition.

He tsked and, setting the tray down quickly, was at my side. With a twinkle in his kind eye and smile, he pulled a key out of his pocket and began to unlock the manacles. "You weren't cold last night, were you my dear?"

My heart swelled at his term of endearment and I quickly shook my head, glancing at the jacket that had fallen off my shoulders.  
Brazell picked up his jacket, dusting it off lightly. "The manacles were necessary, I'm afraid. You were making even your most weather worn wardens nervous with the raving."

"…Raving?"

He nodded sympathetically. "You gave your other friends quite the scare. You were going on about some kind of jungle and…" Brazell looked away, embarrassed for me. "You said we kidnapped all of you."

I gasped. I had to be mad. He was a kindly general who had taken us orphans in when we had nowhere to go. It was taught to us at the beginning of lessons each and every day. We were to be grateful. We were given decent education and nurturing so we could be more than servers and stable hands. But in the corner of my mind, the heretic thought continued to brew. Something was wrong.

Smiling, Brazell stood and met Mogkan as he entered. The man pulled at his long, braided beard and shook his head once.

My benefactor turned to me again. His smile had faded. "You need to try harder, Yelena. I had hoped to be able to take you out of here by the end of the morning…" He sighed and, after procuring the vial of "medicine", turned away.

Mogkan looked at me only once before my mind was filled with those claws again.

* * *

I woke, shuddering. The infirmary was empty and quiet. Exhaustion tore at me and I collapsed back onto the pillows, intending to sleep for just a few more hours.

Looking out the window, I saw the hazy skies and leapt out of bed, hoping to catch the sunrise. My shoulders slumped when I realized it was actually sunset.

I felt a presence behind me and turned slowly.

Master Magician Bain Bloodgood cleared his throat and gestured toward the bed. I mechanically sat down as he took the chair at the bedside.

He asked me whether the nightmares were still happening. Yes, every night. Did they ever change, child? No. It's always the same thing. Finally, would I give him permission to enter my mind? I shrugged and lay down. Of course. How else could I hope to get better?

When Bain finally emerged, he nodded, already preoccupied with what books he will be reading on the matter, and bid me goodnight.

I all but ran to the baths to wash and scrub my skin raw after he was gone.

After four more days of this, Irys decided that enough was enough. With Valek in tow, she came in after dinner time for an interrogation and to try to get me back into the habit of sleeping at night.

Uncertain, I sat up cautiously. I was slowly forgetting these people were even in my life.

Irys rested a hand on my shoulder and cupped my face. "Yelena, something is happening here. And it has affected you so tremendously you can no longer access the power source and can't sleep at night. We need to know what you've been seeing."

I pulled her hand down and took a breath. I would have given anything to keel over dead or unconscious at this point. "Brazell's dungeon. It's always the same. At first it was only when I was asleep. Then I started having flashes to it. I'm always alone and…helpless."

"You never saw his dungeon until we were there together, remember?" Valek spoke, "If you had to relive a memory, I should be there with you." He took my hand and our eyes met. But this memory wasn't so sweet.

"I was put there once before that." I said slowly. Speaking about this was like walking into a vat of boiling oil. I felt the worst urge to tear my skin off. "I was fourteen years old. The experiments hadn't started yet. But that was probably when my magic was starting to kick in."

"You never talked about this." Irys said, her eyebrows knit together.

"It's not something I want to think about. But at the time, I started to see…remember…things." My voice grew wistful at the memory. "I started having vivid memories of climbing trees and swinging through the jungle…hiding in caves from someone…eating sweet, ripe berries that grew all around me. I even started to have recollections of my family. Not actual memories though…but feelings. Somewhere I felt that there was a time when I was loved and cared for unconditionally; as if I had a good, full life before the orphanage."

Irys touched my hand and said soothingly, "And then what happened?"

I closed my eyes, wanting to cry at her pity. No. Imagine you're sitting at the bedside, not on the bed. Dissociate.

The patient's voice became jagged. "That's when it became problematic. That's when they grew worried. One day Mogkan and Brazell didn't…they didn't look right. I started to feel…as if something was taken from me. I started to want out at that point. So they gave me something…something that made me constantly sleepy and my head hurt when I was awake. But I still trusted Brazell then because he took such good care of me and was so kind. And I believed him when he said they needed to put me in the dungeon because my 'ravings' were becoming a kind of danger to the welfare of the other orphans. And eventually…eventually I stopped struggling. I gave up and stopped talking about it. They made me say that I had been lying and dreaming."

"I said it so often I began to doubt myself. And eventually it all stopped: no more dreams and no more memories. I was always an orphan – a girl without a past or future that a kind general took pity on. The whole time Mogkan was doing something."

"But that's over now." Irys insisted. "Mogkan's dead and you're safe now."

She didn't seem to hear her. She looked away as her voice broke. "I didn't even know what it was. I didn't have a name for it. And he never even had to touch me." A choked sob escaped despite her efforts. The patient covered her eyes with one hand and cried.

Irys squeezed my hand. "I promise you. You're not there anymore. It's in the past."

"No, I still see it. I've _always_ seen it."

"Yelena, stay with me." Irys begged, her voice becoming strained with worry, as her grip tightened. "And no matter what happens, please, _please _don't do anything rash. You have to trust me. Bain and I will find the counter-spell or Valek will find the Warper. Somehow, someway we will save you."

The patient looked from her mentor to her lover. Second Magician's wrinkled robes were covered with sweat stains and her fastidious neat hair had fallen into disarray. Valek was unshaved and his characteristic graceful walk and motion had become jagged and heavy. Her newfound appreciation for peaceful rest made her emphasize with the torture they were putting themselves through in their anxiety. They were so tired. The patient met her mentor's eyes, smiled, and squeezed her hand in return.

A relieved smile brightened Irys's haggard face as she bent down to kiss the patient on the forehead.

When Irys had gone, Valek took her place and held my hand, his thumb tracing small circles on it. "It's a difficult situation."

"We'll figure it out." I reassured him, trying to forget how useless I felt. "There has to be a way to stop him without my magic."

He smiled mirthlessly. "I was talking about you, love."

I feigned ignorance. "Me?"

"Yes you." He stroked my hair and his hand glided beneath my chin, tilting my head up. "You look so tired."

My heart broke at the guilt that hung so heavily in his voice. I shook my head and smiled. "I just need to get a bit more sleep is all. I'll be fine."

My eyes fell to the hand that held mine and the thick bandage wrapped around his forearm. Sometimes I forget how long it takes for flesh wounds to heal without magic. I touched it gingerly with my other hand. "What about you?" I looked at him. "Are you alright? You look pretty sleepy too."

Valek shook his head, unwilling to change the topic. "It's just a scratch, love. And I have Ari and Janco doing reconnaissance for the next few nights so that I can rest." He gazed at me intently. "Yelena, if you're in pain…if you're suffering, don't spare me, _please_."

I squeezed the hand that clutched mine so securely and grinned in earnest. "I'm glad I don't have to."

The other visitors were beginning to make their goodbyes and departures. My mind flashed back to the memory of waking up alone and it became harder to breathe.

Valek caught my glance and said soothingly, "I'll leave only when you want me to, love."

"How about you don't leave?" I couldn't keep the anxiety out of my voice. "How does that sound?"

"Done." He kissed my hand and I pulled him into the small bed beside me.

I rested my head on his chest, closed my eyes to his steady heartbeat, and found blissful comfort in his familiar, musky scent. A secure arm came around me and stroked my hair soothingly. I felt his lips brush across my forehead and a relieved sigh escaped me: Warm. Safe. Cherished.

* * *

Leif was sitting in the chair when I woke in the morning.

"Mother's interrogating Valek." He rushed to explain when he caught me glancing around the room. "She nearly had heart failure when she saw him…er…too close for comfort! Get it? Because he was there and you two were being all snuggly-wuggly…and then there's the bed actually being very t**i**ny…and it's a pun so...okay never mind."

I sighed, reluctant to address our worried parents. I didn't need my powers to sense their anxiety across the Keep.

"But look what I've brought you!" Leif jumped up and held out a mug of his medicinal tea that smelled worse than the dungeon.

I wrinkled my nose. "Water from the sewer?"

Unfazed, he grinned. "Take a better whiff and try again."

Reluctantly, I sniffed the tea. I gaped. "Moonmist?"

The herb grew most predominantly in the fertile Illiais Jungle. And even then it was difficult to find. Only the flowering part of Moonmist had any medicinal use and it wilted and died within hours of its nightly bloom. The herb gave relief from intense mental stress and helped clear the mind. And unlike Theobroma, Moonmist also acted as a protective barrier against all mental, magical contact. It was especially useful for abusive domestic situations where survivors needed to escape without their abusers being able to detect their locations via mental connection. But like Curare, there was always a less positive use for it. Council debate was being made on the problematic use it carried as a block against mental interrogation by the Master Magicians of criminals. I already had a stake in rendering mental invasion unethical in _all_ situations.

"You got it!" Leif smiled too widely and his voice was too loud. "And the best part is I added a bit of Custra so you can be all awakey-wakey without the grogginess and sleep should come better for you. Either way, that Warper shouldn't be able to enter your mind anymore. Once you drink this, it should all go away so that you could feel better while Master Bloodgood works on a more permanent solution."

I held the cup, gazing at the tea. It was light blue, the color of the sky. "How did you even find it?" His hyperactivity suddenly made sense. "You must be so exhausted."

"I have my ways! It took longer than I expected but it was a piece of cake really."

At that moment, Mara walked in and rested her hands on his shoulders behind him. "Don't listen to him. He made a mad three-day dash to the Illiais Jungle, found a batch, and ran back here in the same breath. He hasn't slept properly in days. And he just pulled an all-nighter."

I looked at Leif.

He waved a hand dismissively. "I have no idea what you two are talking about. I didn't run anywhere, I went on the horsey! I'm just peachy keen! Perfectly fine! Never been better…I'll just go…take a little nap…unless you wanted some kind of food? I can go cook you something!"

The image of Leif falling asleep over a roaring fire frightened me and I shook my head quickly.

Leif stood and backed toward the door. But when he turned, he collided headfirst into the wall next to it. "See? Perfectly fine! Never been better! Hunky dory!"

He stumbled out the door and poked his head back in just a few seconds later. "Mara? Honey? Which way is our room?"

She shook her head and after bidding me goodbye, went to guide her husband home.

I looked back down at the cup, and brought it up to my lips to drink.

_You think this will make it disappear?_

I squeezed my eyes shut as I tried in vain to make the voice disappear. Drink it and it will all go away.

_Zaltana remedies lose their potency…as do all other concoctions. What will you do when these remedies and the magic of the healers can no longer help you? When the screaming and the raving nightmares come back and they can no longer save you? _

Don't think about it yet. I commanded myself. Worry about that later. You're not even thinking straight right now. Clear your head first.

_You will still remember, Yelena. It did not stop when you banished Reyad's ghost. Nor even when you saved the Commander and reclaimed your own soul all those years ago. _

I shook my head, as if the Warper would leave out my ears the way trapped water does. But he was right. It won't end. It never has. To this day I can still feel Roze's magic inside me when she tried unsuccessfully to rape my mind. Reyad still haunted my dreams and I was so tired…

_Put a permanent end to this…all of this. I can help you. There is no need to go halfway._

Reyad chose that moment to appear. He crossed his arms with a mocking grin. "Funny. I never got to see daddy half as much as you did. I'm almost jealous. And these days…"

"You need to get out of my life." I said through clenched teeth. "You have no place here."

He laughed. "Then why won't you make me? Why am I still here with you to this very day?"

I turned my head away and refused to look at him. His sadistic mirth burned me.

"I'll tell you why, Yelena. It's because _you_ can't and won't let me go. Not even after all these years. I'm a part of you…and I always will be. No matter where you go or what you do…" He jabbed a finger at the cup in my hand. "No matter what kind of medicine you take to try and stop the screaming in your dreams…it'll never end."

"Stop…" My voice came out in a hoarse whisper as my eyes welled with tears.

"I wonder what Valek will think of you in a few more seasons." He had a fit of uproarious laughter and clutched his stomach. "The ruthless…cold blooded Chief of Security…in love with you…you really did come far, I suppose. But don't tell me you honestly thought this would last for much longer. He just needs to spend a bit more time with you…an extended vacation perhaps…where all that whining and clinging will eventually show and he'll see you for what you really are: a lost, scared, defenseless little girl addicted to pain… a real pain in the ass to be with…and _I_ would know."

"You're wrong." I seethed. "I'm not addicted to pain. Why the hell would I do this to myself?"

Reyad only shrugged and smoothed his hair out. It was always cut in the latest style. "Does it matter? Who do you think could be with that? Someone who always needed to be taken care of lest they spiral out of control? Mark my words, Yelena. This victim character you love playing, it'll get old real fast. And he'll leave first. Then your little friends. Your family will probably continue to take care of you out of guilt but they will resent you…maybe pass you along to each other like an unwanted gift.

"But in the end, you'll be all alone again. Right back to where you started. Same story, Yelena. You just changed the scenery up a bit."

He laughed as he faded away, leaving me alone again.

_He is right you know. _The voice came back, filling the void. _I wonder how things will be if you hold out for a few more years…when you have lost your youth and beauty as well._

Images of my mentor, lover, parents, friends, and brother swirled in my mind. I saw Leif scavenging in the dark, the entire night, with only the meager light from his lantern for the Moonmist bloom. He then sat patiently next to a fire for hours after that, watching and brewing the remedy. My parents clutched each other the way they did when they mourned my apparent loss to the Fire World. Valek lay beside me all night, in his boots and cloak, awake and alert to save me from any nightmares and demons. Irys poured over books in hers and Bain's library to search for a cure. Ari and Janco worked tirelessly to find the culprit in their daily investigations of everything from rowdy taverns to underground crime networks.

I still had to try. I downed the remedy, letting the medicine wash over me and relax tense muscles and fatigued bones.

Breathing softly, I felt a lethargic calm sweep over me.

Bain took that moment to enter, clasping and unclasping his hands.

I set the empty mug down and sat next to the magician eagerly.

"How are you today, child?"

"Better." I answered impatiently.

"And Leif's remedy? Did it procure the intended effect?"

"Yes. Did you find anything?"

"That's good. Any side effects to the medicine?"

"Tell me what you found." I was ready to throttle him.

The magician sighed and fidgeted. After a moment, he took my hand and said as calmly as he could, "Yelena, child, there is simply nothing wrong with you."

**Updates like candy! I honestly intended for this chapter (according to the outline anyways) to have a bit more action in it but alas it is not so. I promise it won't be too slow for much longer.  
**

**Thanks for reading and please review! They really do make my day! :D**


	8. Chapter 8

I flinched away sharply, feeling lightheaded and violently short of breath. "_What_?"

He spoke apologetically, "I've consulted all my books many times over and did everything possible. All the other patients were examined to the same effect. Your mind is your own and there's simply no one in there but yourself."

I shook my head. "That can't be possible…you must have missed something."

"You are in the half of the infirmary that as of recently has a null shield protecting it. And I've examined all feasible theories. I promise you, child. There is nothing wrong."

"No…" Tears welled in my eyes and my voice edged on hysteria. "…there has to be. Or I wouldn't be like this."

"Ah." Bain nodded understandingly. "You are referring to your magic. Well that's perfectly normal. Traumatic events can suppress powers for an inordinate amount of time. I imagine that it's the reason why you managed to keep from flaming out until so much later on."

"The voice…" I whispered as my voice became hoarse with tears.

"Echoes, child." He explained calmly. "Your symptoms were often reported by those who have gone through such invasion – particularly when Roze was…using her methods. It's possible for you to still hear remnants of your assailant as he undoubtedly left a clear impression on you."

I hugged myself. The idea of being marked by the Warper burned me.

Bain patted my shoulder. "I will continue to look into this, of course."

As he walked away, I imagined him putting this entire business at the bottom of his stack as he researched other more tangible subjects and went on with his classes and lectures as if nothing was amiss until he'd eventually forget.

No longer able to suppress the outburst, I cried out, "Help me!"

Bain jolted to a stop at the threshold and turned back to me. He took several steps toward me warily.

The tears came down my face with no reprieve. "Please, you have to help me. I'll do anything. Just make it stop…I…I can't do this for the rest of my life."

Bain was at my side, awkwardly patting my back in an effort to quiet me as Hayes and the helpers watched nervously.

I clung to him, deathly afraid he'd leave. "There has to be something you haven't tried." I sobbed as I began to babble, "I don't even need my powers. I can do without it if that's what it'll take. Even my memories! You can have my memories too. Take it! Take it all. Take anything you need if it'll make the pain go away. Anything…anything, please…I can't go back there…just make it stop… _please_."

He only smiled sadly at me. "There's only so much magic can do, child. I've had to learn that lesson for many years, especially in my rash youth. Broken bones and even blood loss can be mended. But the mind…there are such wounds that only time can heal."

Bain patted my hand once more before he insistently extricated himself out of my tight grasp and left. I lay in a quiet stupor for the rest of the day.

The next morning, Leif came back with another dose of his remedy a few moments before I was to be discharged. This time I stared at it, becoming entranced with the color of the tea…blue, like the color of the sky.

If I drank this, I'd be alone with my thoughts again, however long that would last. And this would fade away… Until it all came back. I wouldn't be able to function without taking this daily medicine. And when it no longer worked, I'd have to switch to something else. It won't ever end, I realized. I'd never be well.

Setting the cup back down on the nightstand, I leaned out the window. A rough, cold breeze blew against my face, as if pushing me back in.

The sky was so high up above me but the clouds seemed solid and soft enough to touch. I imagined myself lying on one, unbroken and at peace. There'd be no more pain or suffering; only comfort.

Footfalls down below drew my attention. My parents walked out of the infirmary, hand in hand. Father stopped, running a hand down his face as he turned to Mother. His shoulders slumped with worn fatigue as mother patted his arm and reassured him. I knew she was crying.

Giving the sky one final, yearning gaze, I walked back in and took my medicine.

* * *

May bounded up to me when I knocked on the open door. She hugged me tightly. I returned the embrace, marveling at how much taller she had grown throughout the years.

"I was so worried about you, Yelena!" She told me as she led me into her quarters.

May had been given a suite in the Magician's building so that the Keep could make use of her gifts. Her ability to change the texture of materials from fabric to construction supplies at will make work flexible for her. Sometimes she worked for seamstresses – making cloth more durable, softer, lighter, or heavier depending on the style and the need. Other times she worked at the Keep, helping with construction by ensuring durable bricks and windows for years to come.

Sky sat in her living room and smiled shyly at me as we entered. A sense of solidarity filled the air momentarily, transporting us back to the orphanage – three broken girls who were completely alone in this world. Yet we sat quietly, none of us knowing how or where to begin. May clasped her hands in her lap, I clutched my arms, and Sky tugged at the hem of her shirt. A strong wind whistled outside before it slammed against the window.

"How are you, Sky?" I finally spoke.

"Better." She cleared her throat. "I'm…I'm getting better." Her voice faded away.

"And you May?" I looked at my other adoptive sister.

"Great. I've been doing great." May didn't meet either of our eyes when she answered.

"What about you, Yelena?" Sky piped up.

At that, they both turned to look expectantly at me.

"Fine." I gave the final contribution. "I'm fine."

We fell back into uncomfortable silence.

Finally, May broke the silence and spoke, "I know I hadn't been through as much as you had and maybe…"

"No, May." I said firmly. "You've been through enough. It was bad enough. As did you, Sky. We all went through enough."

She nodded uncertainly and looked back down at her clasped hands. "Does…does it ever get better, Yelena?"

I had thought long and hard about my answer before I walked in. And all of that preparation went out the window the moment they looked upon me with their hollow, forlorn eyes. I came in wanting to talk about how difficult it became to breathe, let alone live to the next moment knowing I wouldn't get better. Of all the people in this world, they were the only ones who would understand.

But I smothered the building tears and grinned reassuringly. "It does. It's hard now. But trust me, it will get better. Just keep going and living. Eventually it won't hurt anymore."

Sky and May exchanged glances. They nodded like good students as their eyebrows creased with unmarked anxiety.

* * *

I knocked on Opal's door, wringing my hands as I waited. There was a small murmur inside followed by small, rapid footsteps.

She opened the door a tiny crack, slightly breathless. But upon seeing me, Opal's eyes widened as she stammered, "Yelena!" I was pulled in for a tight hug. "Are you alright? Is anything wrong?!"

I smiled. "No, Opal. I came to check in on you actually."

"Oh…" She stepped aside and invited me in.

The living quarters were sparse as they were only visitors. Teegan and Reema played a little game with dice on the floor and stared as I entered. At Opal's cue, they muttered quiet, polite greetings.

I sat on an armchair as my hostess went to prepare tea in the small kitchen. Glancing around, I noticed the shutters were all drawn and the windows locked and barred. Handkerchiefs were stuffed into any visible cracks and crevices.

She returned with a tray and set it in front of me. Opal stood and fidgeted before taking a seat on the couch. "They finally discharged you?"

"More or less. I went from the infirmary to between my parents. But I managed to sneak past my wardens for a little while." I smirked. "How are you?"

"I went half a day without calling myself an idiot for what's happened. I even managed to stop blaming myself for leaving Mara's designs in the oven too long by accident...seven months ago. That's progress…sort of…?"

"I went the whole day without hearing voices in my head." I shrugged.

"Ah…"

We exchanged mirthless smiles and nods before taking a brief sigh.

"I didn't think you wanted to see me." Opal said after a while.

"Why wouldn't I?" I let my surprise filter into my voice. "I'm worried about you."

"It's just…" She pulled at the ends of her shirt before turning to the children and biding them to go into their closed bedroom to play. When they had gone, she began, "Devlen…"

"No." I said firmly. "That wasn't your fault. None of this is your fault or had anything to do with you."

"You said the same thing when I jabbed you with curare."

"You weren't yourself."

"I still made it happen."

"Opal…" I went over to sit with her on the couch and took her hand. "This _wasn't_ your fault. You wouldn't have done it if you had an actual choice. And before you say anything about that, you wouldn't feel this guilty if it was the case."

She shook her head. "But why did I love him?"

"Love trumps logic. And not to mention he managed to fool quite a few people known for pretty bad track records in terms of trust. Even the Sandseed horses all believed he was reformed. It wasn't just you."

"The things I let him to do to me…even after he...he…tortured me. And hurt me…and made me do those things…I still let him…" A tear streamed down her face. "I should have known."

I squeezed her hand. "I promise you this wasn't your fault."

"No, it was." A choked sob escaped as her voice broke. "I protected him. I vouched for him. I made excuses for him. I knew all along."

"Anyone would have done the exact same thing in your situation, Opal." I soothed.

She didn't seem to hear me. "When I thought he was Ulrich…the things I let him do to me…"

I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Things you let him do? You mean trick you and kidnap you?"

"No." She whispered. "I was involved with Ulrich when they switched. And when we were together he…he…"

Instant comprehension dawned upon me and my blood turned to ice. "Oh…"

"I think a part of me always knew it was Devlen. But it'd make me less guilty if I said I didn't know. I don't know what it is. If I knew…and I still…slept with him…why would I feel this way?"

"How do you feel?"

Opal shook her head as the words spilled out of her mouth. "Dirty…as if I wanted to skin myself alive…detached…lost…helpless…I don't even know… sometimes I just feel so confused." She turned to look at me with wide eyes.

My heart pounding, I bit my lip. "Based on what you're telling me…and what can be implied from that…it sounds like he raped you."

There was a sharp intake of breath. "Are you sure? I mean I might have exaggerated a bit on the details…and I'm just so emotional right now…I probably don't even know what I'm saying…but are you sure that's what it was? Could it possibly be something else? Was it really…?" She stopped abruptly.

"It seemed like he took advantage of or violated you. Or you wouldn't feel this way."

"But I willingly slept with him. I…enjoyed it. And we did it…many times."

"Would you have slept with him if you knew who he was at the time?"

A tear streamed down her cheek. "Please don't tell."

I shook my head quickly. "Of course not! I wouldn't do that to you."

"I was raped and I didn't even know it…" She choked out a bitter laugh. "I'm such an idiot."

Before I could say a word, she cried out, "It _is_ my fault!" and threw her face into my lap. "I'm such an idiot…I don't deserve to live…" She said over and over again between sobs. "Tell me I'm to blame, Yelena…blame me for what's happened to you…for what you're going through…it's my fault…it's my fault…"

I stroked her hair mechanically for an unknown period of time. Memories of Tula and her dead, violated body swept through my mind. No matter what Zitora had said, the guilt over having left her side never went away. The girls I had sacrificed to the Fire Warper looked at me with forsaken eyes.

"This wasn't your fault, Opal." I said over and over again. "And I'm fine…really."

* * *

_Valek, Leif, Ari, and Janco_

Valek leaned over the map, assessing it. He pointed to two cottages that were side by side with his index and fifth finger. "Last night's reconnaissance shows those two houses were recently occupied as well."

Leif scratched his chin before drawing another circle connecting those houses and other marked ones together. "It's just as Master Jewelrose suspected. That or we've suddenly gotten a happy group of squatters who are trying to make pretty flowers with their light shows."

"Explanation for those normal, non-magical creatures here, please." Janco crossed his arms, peeved at being in the dark again.

"Magic works best in a circle. It becomes more potent and concentrated. That explains why magicians who use diamonds for their power-boosting properties always get them carved in an oval or a circle. Master Jewelrose said that if they are acting close to the Citadel – which they almost undoubtedly are – then they have to be living nearby. All these circles of cottages with unregistered residents clearly show she was right."

"But wouldn't all those creepy rituals have to be done at the same time?"

"That's where it gets fun." Leif smiled ruefully. "Blood is so potent and sticky with magic that the earth will 'remember' it." He tapped each house in one of the circles. "Connect the dots and by the last one, you're looking at whatever it is you're doing to the power of eight…"

"Unfortunately, blood is relatively easy to clean, at least on the surface. A salt paste with cold water can remove most stains from rugs. Baking soda and vinegar works well on the hardwood floors." Valek added. "As long as the Warper knew to blot at the stain, it'd take too long to figure out which hasn't been tainted yet."

"Have I ever mentioned how creepy it is that you'd know this much about these things?" Leif said flatly.

"And your penchant for smell must make you a properly dull person, as well as a real help around the house right after you've sniffed out all the food in the kitchen."

"Does my sister ever have to see this annoying side of you?"

"How is Yelena doing?" Ari asked quietly.

Leif sighed as he set the quill down. "Not good. She won't say much, especially with our parents hovering over her like that. Even when we were alone, Yelena just says the same thing: 'I'm fine.' But I can smell it. Something's off."

When they turned to look at him, Valek, expressionless, informed them, "It's better for her if I stayed away for a bit. She doesn't need the added stress of watching her mother and me at constant odds."

"I can't believe that it's been seven years and it's still a nostril flare-glaring contest between you two." Leif shook his head in amazement. "But it's probably the assassin thing. I'm sure that in just another ten years Mother will grow to appreciate that…er…tactful and modest nature of yours and you'll be as appealing a suitor as a doorknob."

"That's very comforting." Valek said in deadpan.

"Didn't those magicians look at her?" Janco asked, scratching the bottom half of where his right ear used to be.

Leif's teasing smile faded as he told them, "It's how she was discharged. Master Bain Bloodgood insists there's nothing wrong with her physically. He gave this whole lecture on reverberation theory to boot."

When everyone watched him blankly, Leif hurried to explain. "When Roze used her methods to extract information, quite a few people said they would still hear her voice and feel her presence in their head long after it was over. Marrok was one of them. It drove some of them quite mad. But Master Bloodgood insisted, after many observations and studies, that there was nothing wrong with them. It was eventually chalked up to people hearing "echoes" and having normal psychological responses to such a traumatic event…which is the long and complicated way to say 'it's all in their head.' But strangely enough, after Roze was hanged, the complaints stopped. People said it went away."

"And that's not sufficient evidence to say the Warper is still involved?" Ari demanded, crossing his arms.

"It's lazy thinking. That's all it is." Valek said with clear disdain. "If they can't fix the problem, they deny its very existence and everything's considered solved."

"As much as I _love _hearing Valek badmouth us, I'd have to agree with him there. But at least they're doing something about the insomnia." Leif grumbled. "Because what can you do? Go up against a Master Magician and essentially call him a liar to his face? Especially one who wouldn't hesitate to pull and throw every single card to do with experience, knowledge, and the virtue of old, wrinkly age at you? Yep, I tried that just this morning and it didn't work out so well. After I got kicked out of his tower, Master Jewelrose called me a simpleton and said that when it comes to that one, people can totally get killed for implying things like that."

"Killed for implying what?"

Everyone jumped at the sound of the familiar voice. Yelena walked casually up to them and took a seat, rubbing her arms. She wore her grey cloak over a simple outfit and had braided her hair.

There was a moment of silence as everyone stared at her.

She seemed unfazed by the scrutiny but asked dutifully, "What are you looking at?"

"It's just…" Janco wiped the back his neck. "Are you alright? Should you even be up right now?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah that thousand yard stare really helps with your case."

Yelena glanced up at Janco and blinked twice. "Humor me. I need to get away for a bit. My parents want to hear about _everything_."

"The potion…" Leif chimed in, "Is it working well? Do you need me to increase the dose or anything like that?"

She shook her head. "It works fine. I just need a bit more sleep. What have you found?"

Yelena was caught up to speed on the housing arrangements and ensuing discovery. When she spoke, her voice was lethal and steady. "I want to find this guy. And I'm going to make him pay."

"We need to know which cottage he'll be staying in though." Leif pointed out. But relief shone in his face all the same at her rekindled focus. "The problem is, there's few traces left to go off of."

"That's easy. We'll just throw tear gas in through each door. We'll know we've found them when we hear screaming and see people jumping out windows." Yelena said flatly.

All four men looked at her with expressions of incredulity and wariness combined.

"I'm kidding. We'll do it the tame way. Fisk and his Helper's Guild can be of help." She pointed to several circles. "No one would pay too much attention to a couple homeless children running around. They would know who is 'temporarily' occupying the cottage and be able to eliminate several circles at once. It won't work as well if there are holes in the circle."

"What if they're moving around to evade suspicion?" Ari pointed out.

"I think for the moment the Council can turn a blind eye to a few homeless families finding shelter in an empty house. Especially with the cold season coming in…it can't be easy trying to sleep outside. It gets very cold…and dark." Her eyes glazed over again as her voice drifted away.

Someone cleared their throat, snapping Yelena back. She looked up to see Bain, arms filled with books, gesturing to her. "Child, we have much to discuss about your meeting with the Commander."

"Of course." She replied mechanically. "I'll be right there."

Yelena bid her companions goodbye and began walking away. As she did, Janco called out to her, "Yelena!"

She turned.

"Please feel better soon. We want to see you better."

Yelena smiled, but there was no warmth or reassurance in it. "I know."

When her silhouette had disappeared, Leif buried his face in his hands. "She's scaring me."

"Join the club…" Ari agreed.

"We can't leave her alone for too long." Valek spoke. "There's no telling what she's bound to do in her condition."

"How long do you think she'll be like this?" Janco asked. "When will she get better?"

Leif shook his head again. "Some people who went through what she did never got better. And when I didn't protect her from Roze…I…"

"Not to be the annoying optimist here," Janco held his hand up. "But maybe in place of the guilt trips we should be thinking of ways to help her get better."

"Training helped." Ari suggested. "When she learned to defend herself, she grew stronger."

"Yeah, so maybe if we get her out there again, it'll help snap her back."

"Trauma is not something one gets better from." Valek's face was expressionless, a clear sign of aggravation. "In some cases, it ends up being a life-long arrangement. She's the only one with the power to bring herself back."

"Really?"

"I know a thing or two about trauma."

Janco slumped back into his seat. "I didn't mean it that way. But it's just frustrating knowing I can't be of any useful help to my friend."

Ari put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure our girl will have the strength to get herself out of this. But you have the right idea, Janco. It wouldn't hurt to remind her of that if possible."

"This isn't about you. Don't make it about you." Valek cautioned.

* * *

_Yelena_

The next few days fell into a blur as I succumbed to a routine of liaison duties, visiting May, Opal, and Sky to give an attentive ear, going home to soothe my anxious parents, and being called on by my one or several of my friends right after.

I never felt so alone.

Bain kept me busy with his requests. For the longest time, he had badgered me to convince the Commander to "donate" some of the books that collected dust in the unused library. Nothing broke the magician's heart more than books going unread. I had no doubt that if his tower ever went on fire, his first concern would be which book to rescue. He droned on as I nodded, giving every pretense of sympathizing.

Valek kept his distance but snuck in nightly after my mother had gone to bed. We'd talk about mundane things in an attempt at normalcy or kept companionable silence. Guilt welled in me when I never invited him into bed with me.

But the act itself nauseated me and I couldn't stand waking him up in the middle of the night with my screaming.

When everyone had finally gone and I was given reprieve in the solitude, I'd let the blackness take me if it would.

Reyad visited often in my dreams, taunting me. It grew worse after I took my last dose of Moonmist. "I thought a relationship was about give and take?" He sniffed. "But it seems these days you're doing a whole lot more taking than anyone's signed up for. The day came sooner than I thought it would. Won't be much longer now, my dear. Keep doing what you're doing. Soon I will be all you have left in this world."

I woke to the sound of crying and gasping breaths. Dawn had not yet broken. But I knew I wouldn't be able to fall back asleep.

Shuddering, I hugged my knees, trying to ease my racing heart.

My bow leaned against the wall adjacent to the closet across the room. I wiped the tears away as I stared at it.

* * *

"Hey look who's feeling better and starting to look like her good old self!" Janco came up to me as I practiced a kata.

I shifted my stance and rotated the bow from left to right and back again, ending the set.

Janco said something but I was still focused on my bow: the smooth ebony and the grains lodged within it. It suddenly fascinated me how firm and solid the bow was and the way its grip was made for my hand and height.

That momentary lapse of thought was all it took. Janco swung his bow, striking me fully in the abdomen. I hurled flat on my back several feet away.

My friend walked up to me and leaned on his bow, perplexed. "That was a direct frontal strike, Yelena. A rookie could have dodged that easily. What happened there?"

His voice seemed so far away. I found it difficult to breathe as my mind registered the wind being knocked out of me and the incapacitating pain.

"Yelena?" Ari, who had witnessed the entire scene, bounded up next to Janco. He peered down at me in concern.

Breathing heavily, I rolled onto my side, my legs curled near my chest. I couldn't find the means to stand. The growing aches in my back and limbs made it too painful to move.

Janco smiled ruefully and shook his head. "No magical healing powers. Looks like you'll have to let the body take all the hits and recover on its own. It won't be easy since you've been out of touch with that. But you can do it."

Ari concurred with a sigh as he knelt. He offered me his hand. But there was such reluctance in the gesture that I knew I was expected to stand up on my own.

"I'll be fine." I said between labored breaths, "Janco's right. I'm just not used to this. I only need a minute."

Ari nodded and stood, walking away. I tried to not look at his back as I reached for my bow. Using it for support, I slowly and agonizingly stood.

Janco straightened and shrugged. "Well, looks like you need a break. Let's try this again tomorrow."

I slumped my shoulders and couldn't meet his eyes. I made my way off the training field, my now aching back making it nearly impossible to even stand straight.

Halfway to the baths, I decided to take a detour to the stables. Even after we lost our mental connection, Kiki would still greet and nuzzle me for apples. I hoped she would be as affectionate without treats.

The walk to the stables was excruciatingly slow with the tenderness. Several students walked past me with curious eyes watching my slouched and limping posture. I sighed as I trudged into Kiki's stall. She looked up from her water trough and leaned out with a happy nicker. I smiled in genuine relief when she let me touch her.

"You still smile more at horses, I see." Cahil came up next to me, uninvited.

Familiar irritation brewed in me. "And is there anything wrong with that?"

"No I don't suppose so." Arms behind his back, he looked at me intently. "You seem to be doing remarkably well."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"The other girls didn't fare as well. Some went catatonic or are crying constantly. And you once told me that having your mind forced into is worse than being raped. But somehow you're up, walking about, and no doubt scheming as usual."

"Is it really your purpose in life to be a never ending pain in my ass?"

"Easy, Yelena, I was only being concerned about you." He looked me up and down. I cringed under his scrutiny. "What happened to you?"

I scoffed. "None of your business. And concerned? Don't make me laugh." I gave Kiki one last pat and began to leave.

Cahil stepped in front of me, blocking my way. I tried to walk around him but he mirrored me again.

I glared at him but anxiety was already bubbling in my chest. "Don't make me move you."

"It wouldn't hurt you to be a bit nicer."

"What do you want?"

"Maybe an apology for that attitude. Or maybe for you to stop going around playing the victim and taking up all of Master Bloodgood's and Jewelrose's valuable time."

"I don't have time for this. Last chance: get the hell away from me." I clutched my bow.

"Do you really want to get in a fight in that condition?"

I scoffed and tried to move around him again.

"The all-powerful Soulfinder," He let me go but barked out a laugh. "And look at what you are now. A couple hits are all it takes to keep you down."

I stopped, my knuckles whitened as my fist clenched around the bow.

"That is…if anything even happened. I doubt the magician got far in you. You managed to fight off a Master Magician when she tried to do it to you. And you're telling me this rogue magician could do what Roze couldn't? While you're at it, get that Opal to quit moping around too."

At his mention of Opal, I whipped around and struck him with the bow, sending him toppling over into the pile of hay.

He staggered up quickly, seething with anger. Kiki snorted, dragging her hoof restlessly. Cahil wiped his mouth and cocked his head toward her. "You can't even talk your horse into doing tricks for you anymore. Face it, Yelena. You're not even half of what you used to be."

I crossed my arms, making every attempt to keep my expression neutral. But my voice wavered, giving me away. "And what are you? You can't be Ixian and you're not Sitian. You want to be king but you have no legitimate claim to the throne. At the same time, you can't hope to be anything else but a Wannabe king."

I tried walking away. But I turned my back. Big mistake.

Cahil grabbed my arm and yanked me back toward him. I dropped the bow and couldn't suppress a whimper when my back punished me for sudden movement. "Like I said. I'd watch myself, if I were you."

He threw me into an open stall. I crashed through the door and into the back wall. Cahil stood over me as I lay sprawled in the hay. His face held a peculiar lilt of awe as he looked down on me and then at his own hand. "I couldn't do that before."

"No!" Adrenaline rushed me and I forgot my pain for a second. I drop kicked him down.

He stood, casually and chuckling, as if he had tripped and taken a light fall of his own accord. "You're nothing without your magic. Losing it turned you into just another defenseless little girl to be taught a lesson."

"You're wrong." I snarled as I threw another punch at him.

But my blows were slow and sluggish. Cahil caught my fist with one hand and struck my face with the other. I rammed head first into the side of the stall and back onto the ground, tasting blood. Pure panic and fear clouded any rational, fighting thoughts.

"I am?" He mocked.

I lunged at him again. My blows were staggered and slow. He dodged and deflected them easily. Taking both my arms, he shoved me into the back of the stall once more.

Cahil blocked the front and the light, sneering down at me. "Come on, get up. Show the world how powerful you still are, Soulfinder."

He moved in and I shut my eyes and covered my head, bracing myself for what'd happen next.

There was a loud nickering and with a heavy thud, Cahil landed face down and unconscious. Kiki stood over him, fully prepared to kick him again if need be. She stepped over him and was by my side.

…And now I was saved by a horse. Have I hit rock bottom yet?

Kiki leaned down and nudged me gently, as if urging a newborn colt to stand. When I couldn't, I burst into tears. She knelt down patiently and let me cry on her.

* * *

I turned the key in the lock and opened the door to see the concerned, gaping faces of Ari, Janco, Leif, and Valek. Perfect. This was turning out to be one hell of a bad day.

"Yelena!" Leif sputtered as he shot up from his seat, "What the…where were…what the hell happened to you?!"

I hadn't walked by anything reflective on my way over but I imagined I must have looked a lot worse than I thought. Still, a bitter part of me found the whole situation rather funny. I laughed a hollow sound. "Well when I can't get beaten up properly, I get the worst urge to go look for trouble myself."

Nobody laughed.

"That wasn't funny. Sorry."

Valek was by my side in an instant. He reached out and took my hand to support me.

"I'm fine." I assured him.

He gave me a stony look. But there was a momentary lapse where he raised his eyebrows to cover up anxiety written on his face.

I hurried to soothe him. "It looks worse than it really is. You're just not used to seeing me without healing magic. I'm fine, really."

I made my way over to the couch and sat down slowly as my battered body protested vehemently.

"What happened?" Valek demanded. At the same time, Leif rushed up and declared he was going to go fetch me a healing tea and something for the pain.

"After training with Janco, I ran into Cahil and picked a fight. I was careless and he managed to hurt me. Kiki saved me."

Ari set up his med kit next to me and began to tend to my wounds. "You need to take better care of yourself." He said sternly.

"The Wannabe King did this to you?" Valek's voice was filled with incredulity and doubt.

I sighed and shook my head. Something about having to explain myself drained me. "I'm just not myself today. It's been an – ow! – bad day." Ari probed a gash on my arm without reprieve.

"We were worried when you didn't come back." Janco explained the reason for their sudden social call. "Where were you? What were you doing?"

Leif came back with the tea and handed it to me.

I cradled the mug, already dreading the bitter taste. "I went to the stables. I wanted to see Kiki. Cahil found me there."

"Why did you two start fighting? Were you arguing?" Leif asked.

"I…"

He sighed. "I hate to tell you this, Yelena. But without your powers, you'll have to do things the way we do it. And that's by trusting your instincts. Cahil's going to pay for what he did but you've interacted with this guy before. And it never goes well, remember? In your condition, you should have backed off."

I winced as Ari moved on to a gash on my forehead. Shame welled in me. I felt my stomach clench with nauseous remorse at my rash actions. He was right. I could have flat out ignored Cahil. I could have walked away when he finally let me. There was no reason for me to have gotten in that fight.

"But here's an idea that might perk you up!" Leif's voice and wide grin broke my reverie. "How about I take you home for a while? Now before you think you're just going to be sandwiched between our parents all day, think of it as a vacation. You can climb trees, swing through the jungle...we can go explore and discover things…I'll even leave my dignity and let you take all the credit if we do find something!"

His use of my cherished childhood memories wasn't lost on me. I laughed for the first time in ages. "I'd really like that, actually."

When Ari had finished, Leif took his place next to me. "You can take it easy for a bit. Work through this…and heal."

"Yes and when you get better I can kick your ass for real." Janco joined in with a smirk.

Valek squeezed my shoulder gently from behind. I already felt my heart lift at the notion of being away.

But before I could reply, a soft knock came on the door. Ari answered it to reveal Irys.

Upon seeing my state, she hurried over and took the seat Leif promptly gave up. A cool hand was pressed gently against my forehead. "You're feverish."

"I'm a bit stressed." I told my mentor.

She pursed her lips and nodded in understanding. "You'll get through this. Take some of Healer Hayes's sleeping drafts when you need it." She retracted her hand. "I have bad news though. Quite a few people are a bit upset over what happened to Cahil."

She held up a hand before I could argue. "I know he must have done something to deserve getting kicked. Sandseed horses seldom get involved in fights unless their riders are in actual danger. But at the same time, he's carved out a somewhat indispensable reputation for himself these days. He has several supporters who are outraged."

"Wait a minute!" Leif waved his hands. "This guy goes and beats the hell out of my sister and everyone feels sorry for _him_?"

"That's the thing." Irys turned to me, her eyes scrutinizing me. "The stable master saw him follow you in and listened for a brief while. He said there was a bickering and dismissed it, not wanting to 'babysit' or apparently hear any more declarations of unrequited love." She looked at me.

But I eyed her flatly and unflinchingly. What did that have to do with anything?

She broke eye contact first and sighed. "He said he heard someone strike with a bow. You him first, didn't you, Yelena?"

I felt everyone's eyes on me and it took all I had to not run out the door. "I did. But please believe me when I say I had a good reason."

"Why did you hit him, then?"

I thought back to the event…Leif's statement on being more careful and "trusting my instincts"…how I could have prevented it…everyone's disappointment. Guilt overwhelmed me and I felt hollow inside. It was my fault.

Irys took my hand. "If it makes you feel any better, his self-defense claim didn't work given…how many times he apparently had to hit you back to 'protect himself.' The Council decided to drop all charges and chalk it up to a bad argument and an ensuing 'tumble' from all the tension surrounding recent events. That being said, I think it would be best if you left Sitia until things have cooled down." I knew her ulterior motive before she said it: It wouldn't do to have too many people know there's a mentally unstable Soulfinder wandering around.

"She doesn't have to leave. She can just lay low." Leif interjected. He briefly explained his idea to her.

"It wouldn't bode well for your clan's councilor." Irys said wryly. "And being in Ixia could help you a lot more. It's been years. You can go back to where those triggers are and face those demons, defeating them once and for all. And you'll have your friends and heart mate there to support you. It could be good for you, maybe better than simply running away from these problems."

But the image of Opal, May, and Sky came into my mind. During my visits, they managed to get me to promise to stay with them.

"I can't leave, Irys." I said as firmly as I could. "Unless…unless they come with me."

"Why would…oh." She sighed and kneaded her temples. "Yelena, those women will be looked after. I'm sure Leif and Mara will look after them." She eyed Leif pointedly.

"Of course!" Leif said without hesitation.

"It's for the best Yelena." Irys finished.

"I promised I'd stay with her." I said.

"Yelena…" One side of Leif's mouth turned down. "No offense, but you're not really in the best place to look after someone right now. And especially with small children involved on Opal's side…"

"She's right, Yelena." Irys said before I could argue. "We're worried about you too. You need to get better first. And this is probably the best way to do it."

I wanted to tell her that it wouldn't be good for me: That Ixia was the exact last place I wanted to be right now. That – whatever she was thinking - that's not how it worked. But I kept quiet, lacking the strength to fight and knowing by the firm set in her jaw that she had already decided my course of action when she walked in the door.

"…And you'll have good reasons to stay for an extended period of time as you need to research a possible connection with Ixia and give the season's communication to the Commander." Irys was talking but I barely heard her.

"Season's communication?" I asked.

She sighed. "Yes the Council's reports and opinions. You are to deliver that to him twice a year, remember? It was a decision we made only a few months ago. We agreed on the two times of year when either one of us are most politically vulnerable: the cold season, when there won't be any generals traveling over to interrupt, and the hot season, when the Council will be in recess and there won't be any added memos."

"It's the cold season? Oh right. I'm sorry. It feels as if a lot has happened since then."

Irys shook her head and peered at me briefly in concern. But she eventually stood and bade us all good night.

Leif smiled sadly at me. I released a breath that I had been holding. These things never do work out, I suppose.

Valek lingered in the apartment after everyone left.

I closed the door and shuffled back toward the couch. But I was so tired. No longer trusting my legs, I stopped and lowered myself to the ground in the middle of the room. Fresh tears welled up in my eyes again. I breathed deeply and shaded my eyes with one hand, willing them to wait; be put off until I was properly alone. Even now I could still hear Valek's skepticism. I didn't want him to see this display of weakness too.

Valek came back with water and sat quietly down next to me. Why wouldn't he just leave?

He handed me the glass. "Do you want me to kill him?" Steely blue eyes appraised me, but there was rare, uncharacteristic anxiety in them.

Just stop. It's too much and I want you to leave, I almost said outright.

"Thanks for the offer. But please don't. I'm in enough trouble as it is."

Valek nodded and matched my posture, resting his arms around his raised knees.

After a moment of silence, I found my courage and spoke, "I would rather be alone tonight." I stared down into the water, growing distracted with the ripples.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I'm just…all pain right now. I'd be more comfortable… sleeping alone."

He helped me to my feet and, still holding his hand, I led him to the door.

Valek brushed his lips briefly against my forehead. "I'll be back to check on you in the morning, love."

When I finally managed to get the door closed behind me, I felt the tears stream down my face with increasing speed, like river flowing through a shattered dam.

Reyad waved a ghostly handkerchief at me. "Keep going, Yelena. You're doing just excellent, love. Soon, even your bed won't hold _any _appeal whatsoever for him."

* * *

May and Sky had looked at me with vacant eyes when I told them of the news the next morning. Would they be alright? Sure, they said. They could always send a message to me if they needed to. Sure, they echoed again.

Opal turned out a bit more differently.

"I'm fine. Most of this came from the training field. How are you today, Opal?" I asked her after we had settled in her living room.

"Same as yesterday." She picked at the corners of the pillow in her lap. "I just feel so alone."

"You don't seem alone though. There's Leif, Mara, Reema, and Teegan too."

"And you?" Opal looked at me uncertainly.

I shifted, uncomfortable. "Of course. I'll always help you if I can. But remember when we talked about having more people we can trust in our life?"

"They don't understand." Opal shook her head. "They don't know anything about what we're going through."

"Maybe they don't have to. Maybe they can still help."

"They can't. They try and most of the time they just make things worse. It's so exhausting. Sometimes I wish they'd understand there's nothing they can do."

"Maybe you need to be more honest with them about what you need. They want to help you, Opal."

"Why are you talking like this?" She demanded, standing up abruptly and backing away. "What's wrong? What's happening?"

I couldn't bear to lie. "Opal, I have to leave."

"Oh…well that's inconvenient." She shrugged. "I have a few things to bring but that's alright I suppose."

"No, you don't understand." I clutched my arms. "I'm going to Ixia."

"What?!"

I reached out to her but she flinched away. "I don't understand…you promised…"

"I'm sorry." I said in a soft voice.

"Then again, why am I surprised? You always leave when I need you…when I need someone to talk to…someone who'd understand."

"This wasn't my choice. Cahil-"

"Of course it wasn't. It never is. There's always something more important at the last minute. Something that won't make it seem like you're deserting me." She threw her hands up and began to pace. "And let me guess, Mara and Leif are going to take me in to look after me. But of course I don't know anything about that yet because they're just busy right now with _something _else and were going to get around to telling me eventually, like gee, I don't know, while I'm being packed and moved across the city. Yeah that's a good time."

"I'm sorry." I repeated, feeling like a parrot.

Opal crossed her arms and shrugged with agitation. "It's fine. I can't say anything else other than that. Everyone leaves eventually. You, Zitora, Tula, Ari, Janco…Kade…Ulrich…Devlen…But that's okay. It's just time for Opal to learn to stand on her own, isn't it? Nothing like tough love! No pain, no gain. And nothing hurts more effectively than abandonment. I would know."

"I wish it didn't have to be this way." I said as steadily as I could. "You know if I had another option I would…"

"Just don't, Yelena." She turned away. "Just go."

I lingered a few seconds longer before I quietly walked out the door.

In my room, I began to pack for the trip back. My mind was in a complete stupor as I mechanically folded clothes and collected the essentials.

A clatter disrupted the flow. I glanced down to see the water flask on the ground, its lid cracked and the contents spilling out into a puddle on the ground. For a moment I could only watch it…watch as the water continued to run and the puddle grow bigger and bigger. I'd have to buy another one. I'd have to go to the market and find a stall that sold water flasks. Then I'd have to see a person and talk to them when I paid for the new flask. Then I'd have to fill it up again. But first, I had to clean this up.

The numbing came first, taking all sensation from my body when I reached out for a cloth to wipe the mess up with.

Mess…

My heart began to race and my breath come out in short, jagged gasps, hurling me over. I reached for my throat with shaking hands. When they touched my neck, they clenched, choking me.

Whimpering, I fell back onto the bed as tears streamed down my face. Breathe, my mind screamed as my head slammed down on the mattress. Breathe! Breathe! Breathe!

Eyes wide toward the ceiling, I felt my world blur and fade as I choked the life out of myself.

_Now will you let me comfort you? _

I blinked rapidly as my breath returned. _Yes._

**Guest #1: Ahh you're so sweet! Every author wants to hear that people look forward to their updates. You make my heart soar like a lawnmower in space. :D And I'm trying to incorporate more of the others' POV but I worry about the whole thing spiraling into manpain galore. xD**

**Guest #2: Thank you so much for reviewing! You're wonderful! And yes it always bothered me how this part of her just disappeared gradually in the second and third books. But of course "strong female characters" just get over this sort of thing right? *sarcasm* **

**As usual, please review everyone! And yes, that includes you sneaky followers too. ;)**


End file.
